


Waiting at the Sea

by Ririsuu_ariya



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24703054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ririsuu_ariya/pseuds/Ririsuu_ariya
Summary: Erwin Stevve was a novelist. He and his friend, Richard were going to the small island to travel and live there for a while. It wasnt really a good idea since Erwin started seeing something that Richard couldnt see. However, Erwin didnt want to go home, and decided to live there. He could see something, scared at first then he started to sympathy with it.( Am i good at giving a summary? I dont know lol. I just want to write.)
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 26
Kudos: 3





	1. Sea and the Girl

**Author's Note:**

> I was cleaning and finding my old notebook. Then i remember that i wrote a novel when i was in high school, so i decide to rewrite it and changed some stuffs lol
> 
> I hope it's okay to post original work here
> 
> | Please do not read if you're not interested, because i dont write ships or fandoms, just want to put it here because i like this story uwu |

It was in dark room, a weak girl was whimpering in the corner. Hugging her skinny knees and hiding her face there. She was chilling and trembling so much. She was whispering in her crying, calling her mother. She crawled in the wall to reach the window, she could hear the siren from out the window.

She opened the dirty curtain. The siren was getting close and she could hear the wave sound. It was a cruise ship. She opened her eyes wide, she loved to see the cruise ship again. It was the first time in many long time the cruise ship finally coming to her island. The small and forgotten island. She tried to open her window, she wanted to get closer to the cruise ship. Most of her nails were splitted and her hands were full of blue-ish bruise. She knocked the window, but she was powerless. Her knocking was so weak. However she already felt amazed by how big the cruise ship in front of her.

She was still looking at the ship, holding the dirty curtain and resting her head on the wall. She was starting to feel sleepy and slowly closing her eyes. However the sound of the door opened was making her awake. She was trembling back and hugging her hands as if she was protecting her body. She was shedding a tear. Then it was back to dark again.

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Some people were busy taking their stuffs to get off from the cruise ship. There was a man, holding his bag and getting off from the ship as well. He was putting a hat on his head. He could see some local kids were watching there in sea shore, almost all of them were topless. The man smiled at them but the kids were just watching in silent and confused. They never saw a cruise ship and city people. They just saw them on television but still, seeing them directly making them deep in silence.

The man then left, he was looking at his phone, the signal was so bad. He couldn’t use his phone anymore. Another man was calling him from behind, he was bringing a lot of stuffs and bags.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you behind. Are you alright, Richard?” asked the man, his name is Erwin Stevve.

Richard was smiling, telling his friend that he was fine. “So this is the beautiful island that you told me before?”

“ Yes, I saw it in the newspaper. I never know that this island really exists though.”

“Well, I also never thought that this island is famous by tourists. You see that? We can meet some conglomerate peeps getting off from the ship. I wonder what actually is there in this island.”

“Well, let see then! I already ordered a hotel for us to sleep for 2 days. After that I’m planning to rent a small house or villa if that’s available here.”

“So, you’re sure about living here?”

“I thought I already told you that. I need some fresh and new place to refresh my mind. I need to write my another novel soon.”

“Well, I don’t mind it at all. As long as you promise to pay all the costs we will spend here.”

“Yeah, that is our promise. Also you should have fun after finishing your novel.”

“Thanks!”

They were waiting in the street. There wasn’t a lot of people in the street and only there’s one bus that will take them to the hotel. Erwin could feel something off, there was literally nothing in this island, beside sea, beach, mountain, farms and fresh air. What was making this island famous by tourism? Was it only because they like to live in nature or something? Well, he didn’t really care. He also thought that it was a beautiful island.

Erwin was resting his head on the window, looking outside. While Richard was sleeping in his seat. He saw some men was gathering in the house in the beach. It was a small house, the only house there. Some men looked laughing and screaming while the other man was holding a skinny and weak girl. Erwin didn’t believed what was he seeing? He looked so shocked and silent. He could see to the girl face and felt that her eyes were looking straight to him. Erwin closed the window with the curtain and hiding his face with his hand. Richard was awake and asking him what happened but Erwin didn’t want to talk about that. He tried to not think about it, though he kinda felt pity for the girl but her crying face was exactly making him scared. He was just a spoiled city man that never saw how cruel outside world be like. Everything that he saw wont ever impact his life anymore. That was what he thinking.

It didn’t take long time to arrive to the hotel. The hotel as right on the edge of the cliff. Behind it was the sea, it was like a scene of the movie that he was seeing that day. He took all his stuffs and going inside the hotel. He ordered the most expensive room and in highest level in the hotel. He laid down in the bed, while Richard was opening the window. He was amazed while looking at the sea in front of him. Well, this place wasn’t bad at all. Some unmannered people might be found somewhere but that wont affect them at all. Erwin and Richard were spending their time, playing some cards and drinking.

It was already dark and they could see the sunset from the window, it was so beautiful. Erwin was feeling tired and about to sleep sooner. Richard also was about to sleep and going to his room. Erwin let the window opened and he was falling in sleep.

It was 23.45 at midnight, Erwin was awake at something. There was a storm, and thunder. Erwin quickly got up to close the window, but he stopped when he saw a girl, using dirty white dress, standing in the cliffs, was spreading her hands high. Erwin didn’t know what he was looking at. Was she a human? Or a ghost? Or just his hallucination? He couldn’t make any conclusion then the woman was staring at him and smiling. Erwin was scared and suddenly closed the window. He was hiding his face with pillow, he was about to cry. What a lame man he was, a 23 years old man that was scared by the ghost. Yes, he was like that.

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It was 10 at noon, Erwin was finally waking up from his sleeping. He couldn’t really sleep last night. He was too scared to sleep. He stared at the wall for a moment. He heard someone knocking his door, he let them in. It was Richard, bringing some meals to eat.

“Good morning! What’s wrong with your face?” Richard greeted and asked him.

“I-I-I was looking a ghost!? She was standing in the cliffs, last night, smiling at me!” Erwin looked so panic and terrified.

Richard was smiling, totally not believing what his friend just said. “ I think you’re not really awake, go sleep again!”

“No!! I’m not sleeping! I really saw it! She was wearing dirty white dress, and her hair was long… She.. was scary…” 

“Hmm….”

Erwin pouted, his friend totally didn’t react to his story. He grabbed the bread that Richard brought, eating it with upset feeling.

“Well, I think that because you were tired. Our trip was so long to come here. How about going outside today? I’m sure there will be a lot of interesting place here. Hmm… we can search some villa or empty house to rent too. I heard from some tourists, renting house is cheaper though.”

“Yeah, lets go!”

They were having their breakfast then getting ready to go. Erwin was still feeling uneasy but he will just think that he was hallunicating, since it was so dark last night. He was staring at his phone, nothing he can do with it because there was signal at all. Richard was ready to go, so Erwin did. There wasn’t a taxi or some public transportation to use, so they decided to go by walking. They should walk down to the cliffs to go to the downtown of the island. The hotel was far enough from crowd.

It was so hot there, since it was middle of summer, they were sweating so much, wiping their forehead and kept walking. They finally arrived to police station, but there was noone there. The door was closed too. Some stores looked empty, there were only a storebook that had some customers, they were kids after all. They were wearing school uniforms. _At least they still get some education here._ Erwin thought.

They kept walking, some people were staring at them. Some was murmuring and some was just watching. Most of them were elders and kids. They stopped in real estate agent, was looking for some house to rent. There were a lot of options they could choose, since most of young people already left the island and lived in the city. There was a house that caught Erwin’s interest, it was located in the beach, not far from stores and it looked good too. The house had 3 bedroom, a toilet, a living room and a kitchen. However thing that made Erwin was interested was the balconies. There was balcony in front and back the house, facing the sea. Richard was not problem with Erwin’s choice. He was there only to accompany his friend. Though he knew that Erwin wont be able to go by himself, his age was only getting older but he was still kid inside.

The agent was bringing them to the house they wanted, there were already furnitures there, so they just need to bring their stuffs. Erwin felt satisfied to how it looked. He told the agent that he would buy it and signed the paper. The agent was smiling at them and said goodbye. He was glad that the house was sold. Erwin and Richard also left, the house needed to be cleaned and the agent already calling some people to clean it. They will be able to live there the next day.

They walked to the beach, the wind was good, the sound of the waves was nice to hear, and the scenery was absolutely beautiful. Some kids were playing water, running back and forth. They looked having fun there. Erwin and Richard were sitting under a tree there, resting a while. Richard was taking some photos. Erwin was just looking around, enjoying the nature. Richard was running far to find some good spot to catch. Leaving Erwin alone in the tree, he was little bit sleepy and tired. He sighed and closing his eyes. Suddenly he heard some kids screaming, running while the girl was walking to them. Erwin soon got up and stood there, stunned. The girl was so skinny and full of bruises in her body, her hair was messy, and swollen wound in her right cheek. Erwin remembered her, it was the girl he was seeing yesterday. He couldn’t say anything, just standing there watching her. The girl was closing her eyes and sitting in front of Erwin, hugging her knees, humming a song.

Erwin looked down to here and still confused. Why is this girl sitting here? What does she want? But she was just sitting there, playing sand and humming. Erwin decided to sit and stared at the girl. That girl didn’t talk anymore, or looking at him. He thought that this girl was mentally ill, but he was afraid to leave. This girl looked defenseless though, and kinda making him pitied her.

“H-hey… what are you doing?” Erwin tried to talk to her.

The girl was reacting, her hands were trembling and she was whimpering. Erwin started to feel scared, he moved back and about to leave. Then the girl shedded a tear then hiding her face in her knees.

“Are you okay? Something hurts?”

The girl didn’t answer, but closing her ears with her hands, whimpering in pain, crying. Erwin started to feel uneasy, he didn’t know what to do. There was no one there except them, he wanted to ask a help from someone. Well, for bringing this girl to hospital or some safe place, he didn’t know where was there.

“Please wait here! I will ask for help!” Erwin told her and went for looking a help. The girl was staring him running far, she released her hands from her ears, and stood up.

Erwin was running and seeing Richard in the street, was taking a picture. Richard was confused, seeing Erwin looked so panicked. “What’s wrong?”

“That- there’s a girl there, she looks horrible and… she’s crying!”

“You… see ghost again, don’t you?”

“No, it’s not! Not this time! I’m sure I see her. Come on! We need to help her!” asked Erwin, pulling his friend;s hand to walk with him. Richard was just following, letting his friend acted childish again.

“Well…. Where is the ghost then?” Richard asked, seeing nothing in front of him.

“I’m sure she was here! She was sitting in front of me, humming then stared crying!”

“Erwin, lets go home! I know staying here isn’t a good idea.” 

“What? No I.. I don’t want to go home…”

“…Well, then let go to hotel! The sun starts to set too. Let grab some dinner and clear your head.”

“Okay…”

Erwin couldn’t argue with Richard, since he didn’t have any proofs to make him believed. He checked behind again and no one was there. He sighed and left.

They arrived to the hotel at 7 pm and some maids were greeting them. There was a party in the hotel, some rich tourists were drinking and playing with girls. Seemed like they were the prostitutes from this island, to know that this hotel allowed this sex party in their hotel, making them understood why this island was popular for rich people. They just stayed in their room, they didn’t like party like that.

Erwin took a shower, while Richard was packing his stuffs. He already served some meals and drink for dinner too. After finishing the dinner, they were playing cards and drinking wines. They still played till midnight then getting to sleep soon. Erwin closed the window without checking outside, he wanted to sleep now and cleared his mind. It was tiring for him today.


	2. Bed

They were bringing their stuffs and leaving the hotel. It was nice that the hotel wanted to lend them a car to pick up them, as their last service. They was sitting in the car, enjoying the scenery. There were some kids were just going home from school. They were running, try to chase the car. Then, they finally arrived to the house. It looked clean and more organized now. Richard opened the curtains and the windows. Erwin headed up to the level two, he opened the balcony. It was really nice sight to see and to write something there. 

“Hey, Erwin! Come down here!” Richard was calling him. Erwin immediately came. 

“What?” He saw some papers and clothes in the couch. 

“Manage your stuffs by yourself! Come on!” Richard threw the pant on Erwin’s face. Erwin knew that they have to do chores by themselves, since there were only two of them in the house. They went to their own room, both of their rooms were in level two in the house and just let the rest be. After organizing the stuffs, Richard came to Erwin’s room and gave him a to-do list. They shared some lists, like today who should go shopping, who do laundry, cleaning and cooking. As a housemate, they should work together. However since it was their first day living there, so they will go shopping together. Mostly, Richard wanted Erwin to be familiar with this island so he couldn’t get lost later. 

In the market, they were greeted by some mothers and kids. They were being friendly to the tourists, but it was absolutely making Erwin awkward, since Richard was so good at talking with strangers. They bought some vegetables, fishes, apple, mangoes, watermelon and meats. Richard also bought some homemade snacks from a granny there. Well, the granny looked so desperately to sell them and Richard didn’t want to hurt her feeling. Then, they went home.   
It was tired walking, they were laying in the couch, didn’t want to move anymore.

Richard sighed and his hand was bugging Erwin, pushing his shoulder, asking him to cut the watermelon. It was perfect to eat in the middle of the summer like this. Erwin, with unwilling feeling, stood up and grabbed the watermelon. He might not good on using knife but slicing watermelon isn’t that hard, is it? 

Richard could hear some tapping sound, from the kitchen. Erwin then came with slices of watermelon. They looked kinda… well, not good slicing but taste matters more. Richard was satisfied, he chose the good watermelon. It was sweet and watery. Perfect. Erwin took a bite and enjoyed it as well.   
  


“Well… I think I will earn more money and buy a house and live with my future wife here.” Richard murmured. 

“You want to stay here?” 

“Yeah, kinda. The citizen looks friendly and the air is fresh as well. Well, the problem is the connection though. I think I will come here again after this island get more attention from the government I guess..”

“Living here… not really bad. Well for now on…”

They stopped the conversation and eating more watermelon while looking outside window. There was nothing they could do, no signal so phones were useless, even they couldn’t use the television. They were only newspapers but they always came late 3 days later. It was only them and nature around. 

Sound of raining, thunder and wind flew into the room, waking up them from their nap. Richard immediately got up and closed the windows, while Erwin going to the kitchen and taking a wipe. The floor was slippery,thanks to the rain. 

“It started to rain again,eh?”

Erwin approached to the window, looking outside. The rain was really so big, he could see the mist outside. He couldn’t see clearly. He stared longer and felt like someone was standing in front of the house. Someone wore white dress, with long black hair. It was a woman. Erwin screamt and made Richard panicked. He immediately came to see his friend who was scared to dead. 

“What? What happens?”

“I see it. T-there… a woman…” 

“Huh?” Richard also saw it, the woman with white raincoat, waving at him. “Why is she doing outside?” Richard opened the window and took the umbrella. 

“W-wait, Richard! What are you-“

Richard was getting closer to the woman. She looked like giving something to him then leaving him. Richard soon came back, he didn’t want to make Erwin worried. Sure, Erwin was so confused.   
  


“What is it?” 

“That woman said that she is living near here and want to greet us. Also she gives us cookies.” Richard smirked at him, while holding a bag of cookies. Seeing his friend looked so scared, kinda amusing him. He almost wanted to laugh from it. Erwin grabbed the cookies and ate it, heading up to his room. He didn’t want to get any heart attack again.

Richard was in the kitchen, about to making a dinner. He sliced some vegetables and fishes. Making a soup sounded good in this situation. The rain was getting bigger. Fortunately, the light wasn’t off, so they wouldn’t be in dark that night. The dinner was ready. Richard went upside to call Erwin to eat. He opened the door and saw Erwin was laying in the bed, hiding his body into the blanket.   
  


“Erwin, dinner is ready. Come down and eat!” 

“…Can you bring it here? I don’t want to eat outside…”

Here we you go again, Richard thought. His friend being spoiled again. He wont ever do what he asked him, instead he pulled the blanket away, while Erwin was holding it tightly to make sure he was covered.   
  


“Come on! You’re not a kid anymore! Let eat! If not, I wont share it and will eat it by myself.”

“W-what? Okay, I will eat.”

Erwin immediately got up from his bed and going down. Richard was already closing all the curtains, so Erwin wont be hallunicating again. They were having a good dinner. Richard’s cooking was always good. He was good at almost everything. Erwin seemed enjoying the dinner, all his joyfulness was coming back. While, Richard was eating in silence, he was praising his own cooking.

After eating, Erwin took all dirty dishes and washing it, while Richard was eating some leftover watermelon from before.

“Erwin, tomorrow is your turn to go shopping!”

“Okay, what do you want to eat for tomorrow?”

“Hmm… something dry and juicy.”

“Dry and juicy? Hmm… something fried, probably.”

“Yeah, don’t forget to buy cooking oil and flour!”

“Roger!”

After cleaning, Erwin sat on the couch, opening his laptop and about to write. He needed something to write. He needed an idea. Some good plot to start, but what? He didn’t think about it. He was literally having a good ending for the story but he cant write the process to that. He sighed, letting out all of his upset feelings. He closed his eyes, tried to imagine something. Something, something, but he only could see the poor girl he met on the sea. He didn’t think it was good idea to use her as an idea, though it was just too bad for him using that poor girl as a tool for his writing. However, he felt sympatic to her. Not in romantic way, just wanted to know what was happening to her, wanted to help her, those humming voices were cute, calming. Those crying and whimpering voices were too sad, scary sometimes, and terrorizing. He couldn’t understand why he could feel that way. He kept closing his eyes then fell asleep.

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It was already so bright, when he woke up. The birds were chirping, the light was trying to come through the curtain, and he could smell the scent of the foods. Richard was making a meal for breakfast.

“Good morning! Mr. Procrastinator!”

“Morning. …Procras?” 

“Well, I saw your laptop and your paper was still empty.”

Oh no, it was embrassing for him, when he was called procrastinating. When almost of it was true. He didn’t realize that he overslept last night. He needed to be more focused today. He put the laptop on the desk and heading up to the kitchen. Richard was making fried rice. It smelled nice. They had a breakfast well.

Well, next was time for shopping. Richard had given him lists of ingredients to buy. Today was a good day, he could see it from how blue the sky was. The clouds were almost unseen. It was so blue. A woman was greeting him, she mentioned that she was giving them cookies yesterday, and Erwin thanked her for that. Some kids were running, passing him. He arrived to the market, buying stuffs that Richard asked. Then, there was something that caught his eyes. It was a bracelet. That bracelet had blue and white pearls. Looked like the sky and clouds. He bought it as well. He went home soon.

He stopped by, looking at the sea. The sea was so blue, just as the sky looked like. Erwin held the bracelet and staring at it. The blue on the bracelet was beautiful as well. He was shocked when someone tapping his shoulder. There was a woman, wearing a white dress. Not again, please don’t tell me it’s a ghost again. However this time, the woman looked cleaner and her hair was smooth and her face is beautiful. She looked like at twenty or above.

“Excuse me…”

“Y-yes?”

“I want to ask you the direction to this place.” The woman was showing a paper, directed to the hotel he stayed before.

“Are you also a tourist?”

“…Ah, yes! I just came here yesterday. I want to meet someone here. Do you know where it is located?” 

“Sure, but it was far enough from here.”

“Ah, it’s okay. As long as you want to accompany me to go there~” She spoke in seductive tone. Making Erwin nervous, sure she was beautiful and charming. He couldn’t refuse to not helping her. The woman was holding his hand and dragging him away. He couldn’t think and he didn’t realize anymore when he was coming to the hotel, he couldn’t go home. They finally arrived at the hotel, but the woman was still holding his hands, hugging him tight and dragging him to go inside.

They were in a bedroom, the woman was suddenly kissing him in the lips, making him shocked. Then, he grabbed her waist and hugging her tightly and kissing her wilder. The woman was moaning in pleasure. They were feeling so hot and started to undone their clothes each other. Erwin couldn’t think that what he did was wrong or that it was too fast to do it with the stranger he just met. He didn’t know what happened to him that made him felt so hot like this. He hugged the woman, putting it inside and started moving. They both moaned in pleasure, not even caring about anything.

The woman was hugging tightly and moaning, “A-ah… deeper…”

Erwin felt something was about to come, he couldn’t stand it anymore. It felt like they were flying high above the sky. All the pleasure wasn’t end just like that. They moved more and more, tasting the pleasure more deeper. They were drunk by the pleasure that they couldn’t refuse.

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It was already dark when Erwin woke up, he was alone in the room, naked. He looked so screwed up. He realized that he shouldn’t do it, even to the stranger he didn’t know the name. Now, the woman was gone, leaving him regretting himself. _What have I done? What did I do it? What was I so stupid like this._

He immediately wore his clothes back. He checked in his pocket, his money was nowhere. It was stolen by that woman. He also checked to another pocket. There was bracelet there, seemed like the woman wasn’t interested with it. Well, since it was a plastic bracelet. He was running away to the hotel, but he stopped when he heard someone crying, screaming in another room. He didn’t want to intervene but he couldn’t stand the crying. He peaked to the door, there was an man fucking a poor girl. That girl was the one that Erwin met before in the beach. It seemed like a rape. That girl was trashing, screaming and crying while the older man was taking her in.

Erwin couldn’t bear it, he pushed the door and kicked the man’s face hard. The man was fallen, he held his own cheek, whimpering. The poor girl was just seeing in shock. She didn’t know that there was someone that would help her. The man was about to hit Erwin back, but got kicked back by the girl. She bit the man’s shoulder and the man was screaming in pain. The man was so upset, he hit the girl’s head so hard that made her fell. Erwin couldn’t stand it, he punched the man once again and dragging the girl to run away. The girl kept falling, her left leg was broken. Erwin carried her, running faster to go outside. They were running further from the hotel, hiding among the woods. Erwin put the girl down and gave her his coat. The poor girl was still crying, trembling and whimpering. She shut her eyes tightly and didn’t want to open it. Erwin kept watching at her, waiting to her to be calm.

It took about a half of hour for her to willingly open her eyes. She looked confused and almost blank all the time. Erwin sighed in relief, he was so scared if the girl didn’t open her eyes. That hit on her head indeed hurted. She was holding and rubbing her head. Then, she was staring at Erwin. He gave her a smile. The girl didn’t react.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked. The girl was nodding.

“Your head, is it still hurting?” The nod again. Erwin could see a lot of wounds in her legs and thigh. He felt that it wasn’t the only time she got violated and raped. He felt so bad. He reached his hand, rubbing the girl’s head gently. The girl was looking at him, confused, she never got treated like this.

“I’m Erwin. What’s your name?”

“…” the girl didn’t answer at first, but then she opened her mouth. “A-Asha..ni”

“Ashani? That’s a good name..” The girl felt happy hearing that.

“Do you know that guy from before?” Ashani shook her head, telling him no. “I… just want to see.. mama…”

“Your mama? She was there?” Ashani nodded. “…How old are you?”

“….I’m… 15…”

She was still a minor. Hearing that only made Erwin felt more upset. She was getting raped, violated in this young age. Her face was really messy. Wound everywhere, her hair was such a mess, only those eyes, that looked lively and still full of the light, after all she had faced. Ashani awas standing up, about to go.

“I… I have to go home…”

“Let me accompany you there.”

“…No…, I can by.. my self. Mama hates… strangers…”

“I see. Be careful. Dont come to the hotel again next time. It's dangerous there.” Before left, Erwin handed her the bracelet. Ashani was surprised. She held it, staring it closely. “It’s for you, keep it!”

“…For me..?”

Ashani looked happy, she kept humming while going home, staring at the bracelet she just received. Suddenly she stopped, hiding the bracelet on her clothes, and walking slowly.

Erwin was arriving to home, he could see Richard was waiting for him in front of the house. He looked so worried.

“Where are you all this time!?”

“…I.. was in hotel..” Erwin answered in uneasy feeling. He couldn’t want to tell what has happened to him today. He made a mistake by sleeping with the stranger and helping a kid and hitting a man. It was an absurb story to tell.

“What? Why are you in the hotel? Then, where are your shopping bags?”

“Ahh!! I forgot it!”

Richard pouted, “ We only have vegetables in the kitchen. Tonight, we only eat vegetables, no complaint!”

“Okay, haha”

It was nice, when someone was still acting as usually when he was panicked inside. It was calming him for a while. Today again, he failed to write. 


	3. Unreal

Erwin couldn’t sleep that night. He kept opening his eyes, remembering all the things that had happened. He really regretted what he has done, he didn’t want to go to the hotel again. He didt want to remember how that woman seduced him. He sighed, hiding his face with his hands. No, I wont ever do that again, then he remembered how the poor girl, smiling at the bracelet he gave. It was so pure, the purest smile he ever saw.

The next day, Erwin was sitting at the couch, typing on his laptop. He didn’t go outside for today, it was Richard’s turn to go shopping. He stopped when he heard some noisy from the kitchen. He got up. It was a cat and her 3 kittens, they were looking for leftover food to eat. Erwin grabbed some cookies and gave it to them. Hoping they could eat it, but they didn’t. They kept meow-ing, begging for real foods.

“Okay, please wait! Richard will be in home soon and makes us delicious meals!”

The kittens were running through the room, playing and crawling, while the mom was just sitting, watching them. Erwin sat next to the mom, watching those kittens playing. They were adorable. They heard a sound of door opening, the kittens were running, hiding behind their mom. It was Richard, bringing some shopping bags. He looked so confused when he found there were cats in their house. Erwin picked one of the kitten, showing it to Richard, begging him to take care of them. However, Richard thought that they were probably someone’s cats. He didn’t agree at first, but he decided to feed them.

The next day, the kittens were coming again, meow-ing in their front door. Richard gave them food and watched them as they ate it. Also the next day, and the next day again, they kept coming, but he couldn’t see their mom. Today, Richard planned to plant some vegetables. He explored the grass in the side of the house, cleaning some wild grass there. He looked shocked, when he found a corpse cat, she was the mother of the kittens. There wasn’t any wounds on her body, beside her mouth was foaming. The cat was probably poisoned.

They finally decided to take care on the kittens, and made a grave for the mom. Erwin took them in the empty box, they were meow-ing a lot. They must be missing their mom so much. Richard was still outside, cleaning the ground. Erwin gave them meals and watched them as he looked outside. Richard seemed talking with a granny, she was also giving him some fruits she just harvested. The villagers looked liking him so much. Richard went inside to wash the fruits and served it for them to eat. They ate it while watching the kittens playing, running back and forth.

“Hey, the granny was telling me something just now. She said that she saw a ghost when she harvested the fruit in the woods. She said that it looked like a teenager girl, skinny and her body was bleeding.”

Erwin was silenced, he stared at Richard. He didn’t want to think that it was Ashani. Richard continued his story, telling that the girl was hugging her bleeding knees, crying. Erwin stood up, asking where the granny saw it. Richard looked confused, his friend was really panicked, but he became more confused when Erwin running outside, to the place. He thought he will hide in his room, but instead he runned there. Richard tried to chase him, worrying if something will happen again.

They arrived to the woods, there was no one. However, Erwin kept looking, further to the woods. Richard followed him behind. He could hear the crying sound, Erwin immediately runned to the source. He found Ashani there, still hugging her knees, she was bleeding.

“Ashani!? Are you okay?”

Richard really had no idea what happened. He also didn’t know when and how Erwin and this girl knew each other. She was exactly looking like a human, a fragile human. Ashani raised her head, looking at Erwin, with tears in her cheeks. There was new wound in her lips. Erwin decided to bring her to their house, Richard was just following them, not saying anything.

Erwin looked panicked, he searched some medicines and a clean clothes. Richard just watched there, staring at the girl. She was leaning at the side of the couch, sleeping. Erwin shook her body and woke her. He cleaned the dirt on her body and her wounds. He also asked her to take a shower and gave her his clothes. It was oversize for her though. Richard decided that he should cook something, while Erwin still busy caring the girl’s wound. He put some bandages on her right hand, knees and face. Richard wanted to ask, but he thought it wasn’t a good time.

Ashani was laying on the couch, sleeping again. Erwin let her rest and came to the kitchen. Richard looked at him, confused. Erwin realized that he didn’t tell him everything. Well, Richard didn’t ask it as well. Erwin thought he should know, so he told everything. Richard was listening to him, not asking, just kept nodding to his story, then he sighed and back to cook.

“Let her rest more longer. You, better help me making a dinner!” Erwin decided to help. He sliced some onions and vegetables.

Ashani was waking up, she looked at her knees, then going to the kitchen, leaning her body in the wall. She watched the men cooking there. It was smeliing so nice, she never smelled something like this. Richard turned his head and saw her.

“You’re awake? Want water?” Ashani shook her head, just staring them. Richard opened the drawer, giving her some cookies. “Eat it first! The dinner will be ready soon.”

Ashani just nodded, holding the cookies, staring at it. A kitten was rubbing her legs, asking for the cookies too. Ashani gave it to the kitten, she sat there with the kitten and eating it as well. She tried to touch the kitten, slowly reaching her hand, and rubbing the kitten. She sometimes sneaked at the men, wanted to know what they were doing. Richard put the meals he made on the desk, while Erwin brought three empty plates. They have carbonara, breads, and orange juice for dinner. Erwin helped her to sit, and Richard gave her the plate and served her the meal. She held her fork, her hand was trembling and failed to lift it. She tried again, she put her face closer to the fork and ate it slowly. She closed her eyes, chewing then she opened her eyes. She was silence for a while. Her tear was falling. It was her first time tasting good food. She wiped her eyes and continued to eat. Erwin and Richard were watching her in silence, then they smiled. She looked liking it.

After finishing the meals, Erwin washed the meals. Ashani stayed behind him, more like she followed him everywhere, like a puppy. Richard could only watch. That girl was still scared to be left with him, and kept sticking to Erwin.

“Please wait a minute. I will be done soon.” She nodded.

“How was your dinner? Was it good?”

“Y-yes… good..”

Erwin wiped his hands with towel, he finished the dishes. She stared at him, her head was facing up. He was giving her a gently smile. Ashani took a bracelet from her pocket, giving it to him.

“I have to… give it back.. to you.”

“Why? You don’t like it?”

Ashani shook her head, “Mama.. thought I stole it… so I should turn it back.”

“No, you don’t stole it. I gave it to you, remember that?”

“But…mama..”

Ashani was obedient to her mama. She didn’t want to make her get mad on her. She always did whatever she asked her to. Everything. Erwin held her hand, putting the bracelet in her wrist.

“It’s okay. You don’t steal it.” The bracelet looked good in her thin hand.

She nodded. She did like the bracelet as well. “I… have to go home.” She said and about to go, but Erwin stopped her. It was too late for her to go home by herself. He wanted to accompany her in her way, but Ashani refused.

Richard already brought a flashlight. He also wanted to accompany her. Leaving Erwin to this duty wasn’t good. What if Erwin started to hallucinate that he saw a ghost and runned away, leaving the girl alone in the street. Ashani still refused, but they kept insisting. Ashani couldn’t refuse them. She was actually scared to go by herself but couldn’t say that.

Ashani walked first, it was the opposite of the way to the downtown. There wasn’t house around, ther was only trees. It was exactly scary place to go, even when they were together. There was some noises in the woods. They were shocked and stopped but Ashani kept walking. They didn’t want to lose her, so they started walking again.

“Where’s your house?” Erwin asked. Ashani looked at him and pointed forward. There was a house, the only house there, facing to the sea. The house looked dark.

“Mama doesn’t come home yet.”

“You live here with your mother?” Richard finally asked. He have mixed feeling from that house. Well, the house looked so old, dirty. Ashani nodded.

“Where are your mother going?”

“Mama… wants to look for Papa…”

“Your father?”

“Papa haven’t come home… for so long. I start to forget his face.” She looked at the ground, saying with lonely tone. She said goodbye and going inside.

Richard and Erwin decided to go home as well. At least now she was in her shelter. Everything would be okay. They met an older woman, walking passed them. They stopped for a while. She may be Ashani’s mother. She wore a good dress, her body was healthy, not skinny like her daugther. Her hair also looked so smooth. Looked really opposite from Ashani. They went home soon.

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It was getting hotter at noon. Erwin was laying in the floor, with his laptop next to him, while Richard was gardening outside. The kittens were getting bigger too, they looked healthy. Ashani sometimes came, playing with the kittens and having dinner there. She looked better now, not skinny like before. Sometimes there will be a new wound in her knees, but lately her body looked fine. She didn’t stray everywhere, she liked being here. These people wouldn’t hurt her. They didn’t touch her. They didn’t violated her. They gave her foods and friends. It felt too good, she sometimes thought as if she was sleeping and it was a dream.

Ashani stared at Erwin’s laptop. She never saw electronic in her life. She looked so confused. She kept her eyes through the monitor, looking it seriously. Erwin let her staring at it. She must be curious.

“Can you read?”

Ashani shook, she didn’t go to any school. She cant write or read. Erwin took a paper and a pencil, learning her to write. He told her alphabets, numbers and some words. Ashani was copying a word that Erwin wrote. She moved her finger slowly, making a word. It wasn’t good for the first try, but at least she made it. Erwin kept learning her writing and reading. Richard came in, he wiped his neck with towel and looked at them, studying.

“Studying, huh?” He asked. Ashani nodded at him. She looked happy. Erwin let her wrote and went to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed some fruits. He wanted to make juice to drink. It was so hot that day. While Richard was taking a shower.

After finishing a shower, Richard come joining them, sitting in the couch, next to Erwin, while Ashani was still writing in the ground. She showed them her writing, it was getting better. They praised her, making her felt so happy. They felt so old after seeing that smile. It was like taking care a daughter. Though, the fact that she wasn’t their real daughter and they could only help her this way.

They have tried to call a police, to ask for help. They were worried as if she would get violated again, but the police couldn’t help. Talking with them was almost imposible. They were no one in the island, and her real mother didn’t even report about it. Well, she looked fine lately, they couldn’t find any wounds so the police just waved their hands. Seeing her in their house, making them less worried. At least, she was safe here.

Ashani drank the juice and continued writing. She wanted to study. She was humming a song, moving her head in rhythm. She enjoyed it.

“What song is that? I always listen you humming that song.”

“This is a song that mama and papa always listened. They always danced with this song!” She answered, and kept humming. It was a nice song. This girl knew how to sing.

It was rainy at night, they were having dinner. After that, they waited the rain to stop. However, it didn’t seem to stop. Ashani really had to go home. She mentioned that her mother will be in home earlier. The rain was getting bigger, adding the thunder and lightning. Even with umbrella, it was too dangerous to go outside in weather like this. They waited till 10 pm, but the rain indeed didn’t stop yet. Ashani started feeling sleepy. They thought that she could stay here for tonight. Richard brought a pillow and blanket to the empty room. It was located next to their rooms. He also put some plushies there.

“You can sleep here for today. Call us if you need something, okay?”

Ashani nodded. They said a goodnight and headed to their rooms. Ashani closed the door, she was still staring at the bed. She took a plushie. It was so soft. Then, she laid on the bed, it was a nice bed. It was warm. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

The next day, she opened her eyes. It still felt like a dream. She had a nice sleep. She immediately got up, opening the door. She looked Erwin was already woke up and drank a cup of tea. He greeted her. Ashani approach him, greeting him a good morning. Richard was yawning behind them, he was just awake. He soon headed to the kitchen to make a breakfast. They heard someone knocking their front door. Erwin was going to open it. It was Ashani’s mother. She looked so pissed.

“Where is my daughter!?” She yelled at him. Ashani came out soon, approaching her mother. She was scared. Her mother was getting angry again to her. She pulled her hand, dragging her so hard. Ashani was saying sorry in her crying. Her mother was grasping her hand harder. She was also yelling at the girl. They were staring there, didn’t have anything to say.

Ashani kept saying sorry. She begged her mother to release her hand. It was hurting her. Her mother didn’t react. She still pulled her hand. She was really angry. Ashani said sorry more and more. She didn’t want to get punished. She was scared. She was screaming, begging her mother to forgive her. She was locked into a dark room. It was one of the punishment that the mother gave. Ashani was scared to dark. She banged the door, begging more. The mother left. She was about to go again today. She locked all the doors in the house, leaving the girl in dark room all day.

Ashani was crying, whimpering, calling her father. She hugged her knees, leaning her shoulder on the wall. She kept saying sorry. Sorry for not listening. Sorry for being a bad daughter. I’m sorry for not be able to make mama happy.

She was staying there for long. She fell asleep sometimes and still crying. Her voice was echoing. She was all alone. Sound of door opened, she could hear her mother’s voices and some men voices. They were going to have a party. Mother opened the door, there were two big men standing behind her. Ashani knew what will happen to her. She screamed. Those men carried her, to the bedroom, tying her with tight rope. She kept trashing, screaming, kicking her legs. One of them opened her clothes, there were many fresh wounds and bruises in her chest, shoulder and inner thigh.

“No! Please!”

Ashani didn’t have any power to fight. She couldn’t move. Again, her body was taken. She felt so much pain. The pain that waking her from her sweet dream. As if that was a dream, she wished she could just sleep forever.


	4. Blooming flower

It was so cold, the floor was so cold. It was narrow. It was hard to breathe. It hurted. It hurted so much. Ashani was laying in the ground, hugging her own body, mourning and crying. She kept saying to stop. She couldn’t bear the pain. It was killing her. The men was still using her body. They didn’t seem to finish it soon. The man was still thrusting his body, moving back and forth. Crying voice from a hopeless girl was a kink for him. He really enjoyed it. Ashani only felt the pain, her lower part was bleeding. She never ever enjoyed it, not even once. She felt so much fears in her heart. She didn’t like these touches, from these people she never knew. Another man was holding her face, forcing to kiss her, licking that lips to open. Ashani shut her eyes tight. That tongue was inside her mouth, sucking her tongue, making her hard to breathe.

“A-Ahh!” She gasped, opened her mouth to breathe, but the man didn’t stop kissing her.

While another man was moving even faster, making her body moved back and forth. He was close. He groaned, thrusting once more and came inside. Ashani was looking at it in terror. She started trashing again. Her inside was feeling hot. It really hurted. However, he wasn’t done yet. He put his part again on her, moving again. Ashani could only cry. She was powerless. The door was opened, her mother was coming in, watching them while smoking.

She smirked. The men were laughing, they really enjoyed it.

“Your daughter is good, madam!”

“I don’t regret paying for this thing, ha,ha!”

Her mother always sold her daughter to pervert people like them. Some even wanted to pay higher to fuck this poor girl. Ashani was too afraid to say no. She already tried once. She made it to run from those bastards. However, her mother was hitting her when she heard that. She acted as a victim for raising the useless child. Ashani didn’t want to make her mother cried. Even though that crying was fake. She only manipulated her, to obey her orders. Ashani wanted her mother proud to her. She wanted to be embraced. She wanted to loved. She would do everything to make her mother happy.

Ashani remembered that. When her father left, her mother was crying. She was so broken. She didn’t want her mother cried. She didn’t want her only family left her again, like her father. Everything she did was only for her to be received by her mother.

“Don’t leave any scars on her knees or hands! They will tell the polices again if they see it. Those damned city young men!” Her mother warned those men.

“Hee… your daughter is seducing those men? No wonder she doesn’t want to play with us again. Naughty slut!”

Ashani shook her head, telling them it wasn’t true. They talked everything wrong about those men. They wouldn’t ever want to touch her, hurt her like these men. They never did. However, she started to think, what if they were also the same. What if those kindness were fake. What if they also wanted to eat her. She didn’t want to imagine it. She was too afraid. She couldn’t prepare herself if that really happened. Please, everything, but not that.

They left some hickey scars in her chest and left her alone in the room. She was locked again inside. Ashani couldn’t think, all she wanted to do was sleep. She thought if she slept, those good dreams will come again. She will be in those city men’s house again. She will study again. They will give her foods and warmness again. As if they were her real family, it would be nice. No, it was too nice, to make it so real.

The next time she woke up, her mother was standing in the door, handing a plate. It was a leftover food from her party with her men. It didn’t look good, it was messy. She didn’t know what this was. The flavor was mixed. She only felt bitterness, and sometimes saltiness. She didn’t like this food, but she was starving all day. She ate it, slowly, trying to digest it without tasting it. Then, she drank the water. It wasn’t a regular water, it was a beer. It tasted really bad, really bad that made her choked.

Her mother locked the door again, leaving her alone in the room. She wouldn’t let her go outside again. Her punishment wasn’t over yet. It was really cold. No bed, pillow or blanket. She could only hug her own body, warming her own body.

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It already passed a week. Erwin was standing in front of window. He thought he will see Ashani again, but she never came since that day. Erwin started to worry. He couldn’t be focused to his works. He cant work with this uneasy feeling he had. Richard was also worried. However, he should act calm, if not his friend would be paranoid again. He would wait again, probably she will come tomorrow.

Their daily lives didn’t really change. They fed the kittens everyday, sharing some chores and sometimes walking outside. Today, Erwin decided to walk around. He needed to calm his mind. He put his shoes, with his phone in his hand, walking through the sea shore, taking some pictures on the sea. It was indeed beautiful. He took many pictures, walking around, far, far till there was only woods and sea around him. He stopped. He took a breathe deeply and ran. He saw her. Ashani was sitting in the ground, hugging her knees and closing her eyes. Erwin called her, waking her up. She opened her eyes slow.

Her eyes was swollen. Her face looked so pale. Her body was skinnier than he last met her. Her hands were trembling. She looked so happy to meet him again. She forced a smile but it didn’t last long.

“What are you doing here?”

“…I gathered some sea shells… look!” She showed him her collections. They were beautiful.

“Yeah. They look beautiful.” He was relieved that he could meet her again.

“Erwin.. t-take one you like…” Erwin took it. Ashani looked happy that he could give him something. It didn’t have any value, but he knew, it meant everything for her.

“Thank you!”

They sat there, watching at the sea together. Erwin took another picture and Ashani was staring at it. She looked amazed with how sophisticating this thing. Erwin faced his phone in front of her, quietly taking her picture. He chuckled then, her face in the picture looked confused. Ashani didn’t know what he was laughing about. He showed it and Ashani was blushing. She never even looked at the mirror. She didn’t want to see how ugly she looked like. She hid her face.

“P-please delete.. that…”

“It looks good. You’re pretty…”

Ashani blushed again. Pretty? This was the first time she was told that. She never thought she was pretty. Erwin just told her what he thought of her. She was beautiful, even when she smiled. If only she wasn’t this skinny and no wounds or scars. She will look more beautiful. Ashani looked at him, still blushing. She didn’t understand why she felt like this. Her heart was beating fast, not from the fear, but happiness. Erwin looked at her, smiling.

They still sat there while the sun was about to set. The sun looked warm to see. It was warmth she felt. It was getting darker. They decided to go. Erwin looked at her feet. She didn’t wear anything to protect her feet. She was barefoot.

“Want me to carry you?”

Ashani was silenced. She just stared at him. Erwin waited for an answer. He wouldn’t do that if she didn’t let him. However, she nodded. Erwin gave her a hand. He was piggyback-carrying her. She felt something warmer in her chest. _This wide shoulder, just like how papa carried me in the past._

They arrived to his house, Richard was waiting. He looked glad too, seeing Ashani there. He told that the dinner was ready. He asked them to come in. Erwin carried her to the bathroom, washing her feets. She could smell something good from kitchen. It was the scent she missed a lot. Good meals and dinner with these people again.

They enjoyed the meals, like a family. Ashani was eating in very good mood. They were glad to see how happy she ate.

“Don’t hurry or you will choke!” Richard warned her, giving her a glass of water.

She drank it, closing her eyes and disgesting it. _Ahh, it isn’t beer. It tastes good._

After the dinner, she told them that she should go home. No, they actually didn’t want her to go. It was the moment when they could see her but she insisted.

“I should help mama… She says I can play here if… I become a good girl and helping her…”

They just could nod. They still didn’t have any clues what things she should do to make her mother allowed her come here, but as long as she wasn’t hurted. It was okay. Erwin gave her his unused sandal to her to use for walking. It was too big, but okay that nothing.

“Be careful in your way. You know you can come here anytime you like!” He gave her a flashlight. She nodded and said goodbye. _Time to go home and work again_. She saw her mother, was kissing with a man in front door. They saw her but didn’t mind to stop their activity.

“Your clients already wait inside! Hurry up!”

In many cases, she should runaway but no, she obeyed her mother. She held the sandal and came in. It smelled really bad. The smoking, the alcohols, the drugs, it really smelled bad. She couldn’t breathe.

The next day, she was sleeping under the tree in the beach. She could only sleep outside. She was defenseless. She was awake when she heard a footstep. She was so scared when looking at the old man she never knew. He licked his under lips and his fingers moving wildly, about to touch her. She pushed him away. She ran. Her steps were small and slow, but she kept running. She started to cry. She screamed, wishing someone could hear her. That man still followed her. She ran faster and faster. It was hurting to run with barefoots. The asphalt was burning her skin. No, she should endure it. She ran in the woods, hiding there. She shut her mouth with her hands. She made sure to not make a noise, even though she was scared to death. The man was calling her. He seemed to know her name. He kept calling and going further, searching in another place. Ashani peaked outside, making sure he was no longer there and running away. 

She ran to nearer house. As long there were people here. She would be okay. Some kids were laughing at her. They called her a crazy girl. Most of people in this island called her crazy, kids, teens, and elders. A mother threw a stone at her, asking her to go. Some kids were following her, mocking her, laughing and making fun on her. She hid her face, running away. However, she stopped. She heard it. It was Erwin, calling her, running to her. He asked the kids to stop playing around with her. The kids stopped and left. Erwin looked at her feet again. They were burning.

“Come on. Let buy some shoes for you!” Erwin said, holding her hands, bringing her to the market.

Some people were looking at them. They seemed whispering and talking bad about her.

“She must be seducing this man.”

“Her mother is a slut. No wonder her daughter is the same. Such a bitch!”

“Even if she is a slut. What this man sees from her. She is so ugly!”

“Shhh… some don’t care about appearances when it comes to bed, you know!”

Some words were irritating. Erwin wished he could shut the poor girl’s ears so she shouldn’t hear that. He started to felt annoyed to these uncultured people. However, he wanted to buy her a pair of shoes. He checked one by one, which should fit her the best. They were almost old-fashioned. However, Ashani couldn’t look away to the shoes she saw. It was a flats shoes with a small ribbon. She seemed to want that so much. Erwin asked the seller to give him it. Ashani was excited. She wore the shoes. It fit on her feet. They also looked good on her.

They left the market after paying it. Erwin couldn’t stand their harassment toward Ashani. However, she seemed not care about that and always stared at the shoes. It was a good shoes. Good shoes.

“You like it?”

Ashani smiled, nodding at him. He felt something warm in his chest. Ah, that smile was cute. The shoes wasn’t even that expensive but she really looked happy of it. They were staying at the beach. Ashani was running back and forth. She liked it. She kept admiring her shoes. Erwin thought that he should go home. Richard asked him to buy him some ingredients and he should bring it to him soon. He called Ashani to come with him. Erwin held her hands, walking in the quiet street. He stared at her wrist. She still wore the bracelet he gave her.

Richard was greeting her in the house. He also served her a juice and snacks. She sat there, in the couch, eating the snacks with the cats. While Erwin was helping Richard cooking in the kitchen. Erwin told him what have happened today. Richard felt sad. He sighed and sneaked at the couch. The poor girl was sleeping. A cat was licking her face but she didn’t care.

“Do you think that this island doesn’t look beautiful as we think? When I first saw her, I feel that this place is actually cruel. So cruel for this poor girl.” Richard started to talk his minds. It was always disturbing him.

“I hope I can bring her out from this island.” Erwin shared his mind.

“You want to bring her?

“I-I am still thinking… but isn’t it same as kidnapping her? I think she doesn’t want to leave her mother.”

“Do you… have a feeling on her?”

Erwin was silenced. He tried to gather his minds. No, he didn’t think he had any romantical feelings towards her. It was not right to say it. She was a minor. However, sometimes he could feel it, some warmth in his chest when he saw her smile. He was sure it was just like liking her as a younger sister, not more. He did think he really cared on her.

“No. I just feel like having a younger sister to protect…”

“Sister, huh? Yeah, me too. I did have a sister before… long in the past…” Richard’s eyes looked sad. Erwin knew about his sister. It was a tragedy.

“I’m sorry, Richard…” 

“No, it’s fine. I also want to help her as much as I can.”

It was silence after that. They continued to work. It started to rain suddenly. Ricahrd took off the stove and running outside to gather the laundry. Erwin also helped him. Ashani was awake, she looked outside. The men were busy with the laundry. One of the clothes was flying by the wind. It flied so far. Ashani ran, trying to chase it. Erwin was calling her to stop but she ignored it. She ran further. The cloth was falling in the the tree. She jumped to reach it. She got it. She looked distance, a white dress woman was waving at her. Her black and long hair was flowing by the wind. She was beautiful.

Ashani want to approach her but stopped by Erwin. He looked exhausted to chase her. He really worried.

“Please don’t run away like this again!”

“…I’m sorry… Erwin… look! There’s a person there…”

Ashani pointed at the woman. She was still waving. Erwin looked at her. He felt the anger in his chest. That woman was the one he met and sleep with in the hotel. She greeted him, smiling as she didn’t do anything wrong.

“Y-you?” His voice was trembling. He wanted to get mad at her. This woman who just took him, stealing his money and leaving him away.

“It’s nice to see you again! How have you been?”

“Why are you here?”

“Oh! I just passed by and see this cute girl. She’s your girlfriend?”

Ashani was just silence. She didn’t know this woman.

“Awww…. If you have this cute girl as your girlfriend, you shouldn’t have sex with me you know.”

She said it. Words that made him very angry. He gripped his fist. Ashani was shocked. She looked at the woman. She was really beautiful. Her hair, her face, her skin, everything. She looked really perfect. She hid behind Erwin. She was ashamed with her own figure. The rain was getting harder. Erwin held Ashani’s hand and going home, leaving the woman alone, in the rain.

Ashani looked behind once more, the woman was still waving at her. Erwin told her to not look behind again, Ashani obeyed it. She could see the annoyance in his face. She felt sad for no reason. When arriving in the house, Erwin was drying her hair with towel. Letting her using his own clothes. He brushed her hair. Accidentially he saw on her shoulder, there was a fresh and red-ish bruise. Ashani hid it immediately. Erwin continued brushing her hair, didn’t ask more about iit.

The lunch was ready. They were heading to the kitchen to eat. Erwin seemed uneasy but he immediately changed his moods. Well, because Ashani kept staring at him in worry. He smiled at her, telling her to not worry. She took a short breathe. She continued to eat more.

They were sitting in the couch, watching Ashani wrote some words. Her hands still trembled, she didn’t get used yet. Richard took a bite on the watermelon and still staring. Erwin told her that she lined at wrong side and helped her making the new one. She tried again. They also taught her to read. She tried her best to memorize every alphabets she just read. She really worked hard studying.

The rain stopped. Erwin opened the curtain. There was a rainbow in the sky. They went outside, looking at it. Erwin sitting in the terrace. The ground was wet by the rain, and there was a lot of droplets in the leaf. Ashani was playing in the garden, while Richard was taking a care on his plants. She watched at frog. It made a sound and jumping. Ashani tried to chase it. Chasing it everywhere it went. Richard stopped gardening for a while and watched at the girl. She smiled while hugging her hand on her stomach. She showed it to him. The frog she just catched. She looked happy. Richard clapped at her. Then, she showed it to Erwin. He jumped. He was scared to animals, even worse to small animals and insects.

Richard laughed at him, teasing him. Ashani immediately took the frog away. She released it. She also apologied to him. Oh no! Don’t make that face! Now Erwin felt bad for making this girl sad. He tried to comfort her, saying that it was cute. Ashani nodded, however she wouldn’t do it again.

She said that she should go home. She said goodbye to the men. They waved at her and told her goodbye as well. Ashani walked in empty street, staring at her feet again, still admiring her shoes.

“Ashani, isn’t it?”

She heard someone called her. It was a woman from before. Her dress was wet . Ashani stopped.

“Hi… I really want to talk to you.”

“Wh-who are you?”

“Me? I’m Diana.”

“Diana…”

“You’re a slut, aren’t you?”

Ashani felt sad hearing that. She knew her mother sold her to those pervert men, but still it made her sad.

“No worry… I’m also the same. Well, I don’t sleep with lowly man.”

“Wh-what do you want?”

“Hmm? Nothing. I just want to talk to another slut and talking about it. I wanna know how the sex you have with that man. You know, that city man you always with.”

“I… It’s not like that. We don’t do that.”

“You don’t? Really? Tch, I heard from some mothers that you always come to his house and having sex there.”

“No! Erwin never does that!”

“Oh, so his name is Erwin, ha,ha. However, it’s such a waste, you know?” She closed her face, whispering at Ashani. “Sex with him is really good. I wish I could have once more.”

Ashani shook her head. She didn’t want to hear that.

“He… he isn’t like that.”

“Hah? Ha,ha,ha, what do you mean not like that? Man is always wanting the sex, you know? Having sex is something that makes man crazy. Our last sex was really good.”

“O-our…”

“Yup! Did I tell you? I had sex with Erwin, once. However, it’s really a shame that you never even in his bed from how often you come to his house.”

Ashani lost her words.

“No-no…”

“Well….” Diana touched her hair, stroking it and rubbing her cheek. “Probably he doesn’t have any interest with low level slut like you… however your face is quite cute, you know…”

Ashani was shocked. The woman was just kissing her in lips. Her tongue was inside her mouth. She sucked her tongue. Ashani was trembling. She tried to push her away. The kissing was getting more intense. She moaned. Her feet felt so weak.

“N-no… stop! S-stop!” She asked in her short breathe. The woman was smirking at her, licking her lower lip.

“Your actings are so cute. I think I should play more with you.”

Diana hugged her. She grabbed her hair and pulled it. “Wanna come to my place tonight?”

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a sin lol I can feel the sin from writing this chapter  
> However i wont be sorry lol


	5. Sex and Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains a lesbian action. You can skip it and leave for your safety. Thank you

It was still dark when Ashani woke up. Her body was aching. She saw there were 3 men in her bed. They were still sleeping. She left the room and saw her mother, sitting in the ground, smoking and drinking. She gave her a drug and some protection pills. It was dangerous to her body, but her mother didn’t care. Ashani disgested it. Again. This tasted so bad.

“Mama…” Ashani sat next to her mother.

“Is it right that men only see woman for a sex?”

“Hah? You don’t realize that yet? Of course! They only see us as a sex pleasure, nothing else. Same as your father! Love is dumb thing. They only say love when they want to have sex!”

Ashani was silence. Her mother’s words ate her. She thought that she wasn’t that worth as a human. She was only used as a sex toy.

“What if… what if… the man that doesn’t want to have sex with the woman?”

“Well, some have high standard. They don’t want to have sex with dirty bitch.”

“….I am.. dirty?”

“Ha,ha,hahaha!” Her mother laughed at her, gulping the beer once more.

“Look at the mirror! Do you think you look good? Even I cant bear to look at you, you know!”

She looked at her reflection in the glass of the beer. _Ah, it’s right. I’m so dirty. So ugly. Filthy human ever._ She blamed herself inside.

“Leave me! I don’t want to see you right now!” Her mother told her to leave. “Ahh, also there is no customer tonight. You can go playing around with those men anytime you want! Hahaha!”

Ashani was leaving. She wore her shoes, walking around the woods. It was her secret route to get to the beach faster. She collected more sea shells, humming a song and playing with the sand. She was still a kid inside. She liked to play in the beach. She collected more and more good sea shells and gave them to Erwin. She put them on her pocket and she was running to Erwin’s house.

The house was still closing. They seemed not waking yet. Ashani waited in terrace. She took out her sea shells and lining them. She hummed a song while lining it. The front door was open. Erwin greeted her a good morning and smiling at her. Ashani greeted her back. She showed him, her collections. He knelt, looking to them.

“You collect it this morning?” Ashani nodded.

“It’s.. for you..”

“Thank you, Ashani! They look beautiful! I guess we can ask Richard to make a necklace from these.”

“Necklace? …Really?”

“Yes! Let come in! We should wake him up now and ask him.”

Ashani nodded again. She took her shoes in the terrace and came in. She followed Erwin, going to level two. He opened the room. Ashani felt worried at first but then she saw Richard was still sleeping in the bed. Erwin shook his body, asked him to wake. Richard was still sleepy. He didn’t want to wake up yet. Erwin asked Ashani to wake him up. She didn’t want at first. She thought that she will disturb his sleep but Erwin said it was okay, so she tried.

“Richard… Please wake up… I want you making me a necklace…”

Richard was opening his eyes. Those adorable voices he just heard, making him up. She showed him the sea shells. Richard was smiling at her.

“Okay. After I make the breakfast.”

She nodded. They followed Richard to the kitchen, sitting in the table, waiting for the meals. Richard served them the meals and eating it together. It was a warm breakfast she ever had. After eating, Ashani was watching Richard that was making the necklace, while Erwin was taking a shower. She watched it carefully and followed him to make another one. No one succeed in first try, so she also did. The shells were always separating from the yarn. Richard told her how to make it again, holding hr finger to knot them. Ashani watched it carefully. She made it. Though it was not as good as the one Richard made but it still looked okay. Erwin approached, sitting beside them, seeing how the works going.

“Wah, it looks so good.” Erwin admired the one Ashani made. She really liked it when he admired her works. She gave it to Erwin. He accepted it and wore it in his neck.

“Thank you!”

Richard took his turn to take a shower. Ashani was sitting in the couch, still making the other necklace. She thought she would give it to her mother. Erwin was typing in his laptop. He was working on his writing. The cats were meow-ing, asking to get fed. Erwin got up to take the cats meal. They followed him behind. They looked so happy while eating the meals. Erwin went back to his laptop, continuing his works.

This afternoon felt so hot. Summer was still going. They could hear some insects making a sound in the woods. The amount of the mosquitos were increasing. They kept biting. It was a torture in the summer. Please, it’s okay to just having heatwave. Everything but not a damned mosquito. Erwin put some cream on his hand and leg, giving it to Ashani as well.

He laid on the floor, head looking outside the window. The sky was so blue. There was no cloud above. It was indeed so hot. Ashani finished her necklace. She smiled at it. She hoped her mother would like it. Richard was finishing the shower and sitting on the couch. He was reading a book. He wanted to build a furniture and was learning it. The cats were approaching them, stroking their bodies to their legs, jumping and running. They played a lot lately.

They decided to go shopping together. Well, they could hear some people were talking behind, but it didn’t bother them anyway. Ashani looked at some things that caught her interest, but she didn’t say it. She followed the men walking in front of her. They walked so slow, trying to adjust her small steps, so she shouldn’t lose them. Some kids came at her, teasing her again, calling her crazy. She ignored them and kept walking. The granny called Richard. She was smiling at them.

“Finally I see you again. Look, I harvested some wild fruits in the woods. I want to give it to you.”

“Thank you, granny! I appreciate it!”

“Oh, so she is the ghost I saw last time.”

Ashani hid behind Erwin.

“You look better now. Make sure to take care your wound, will you?” The granny smiled at her, giving her snacks. She received it. “Seeing you like this, reminding me to my granddaughter. She lives in the city and haven’t come here for so long. You boys are really taking care at her very well.”

They said goodbye to the granny and going home soon. They stopped by to greet the neighbor. They talked a lot about the weather, about what they bought and what they did that day. Ashani was playing around. They let her walking around near there. She walked into the woods near to there. She wanted to take the flower there. However, her hand was pulled by someone. She was shocked. It was Diana.

“Shh…, don’t make any sounds or I will hurt you.” She shutted her mouth with her hands. Ashani started to cry. She shook her head, refusing it.

“Why didn’t you come last night? I think I already told you to come… You made me so lonely last night, you know…” She stroked her cheeks. She released her hand from the mouth.

“I-I am sorry…”

Diana started kissing her. She also rubbing her chest and playing her nipples. Ashani tried to push her again. She was weak. She didn’t have any strength to fight.

“Come on, follow me! We can play everything I want to you.”

“N-no…”

“You’re so cute…” She kissed more.

Ashani could hear it. Erwin and Richard were calling her. She wanted to go. She wanted to escape from this woman. However, she didn’t let her hand away from her.

“Let go to my place now!” She pulled her hand. Ashani shook her head, refusing her. However, this woman didn’t want to release her. She pulled her, dragging her to the woods. Going far away from there. Erwin was still calling.

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know… She’s not around.”

“Is she going home already?”

“I guess…”

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Diana was still holding her hands, while Ashani was telling her to release her. Diana didn’t care. She looked determined to what she wanted to do. She stopped in front of the house. It was an empty house. It looked so bad in the outside.

“This is my playground. Don’t care about the appearance outside. It looks tidy inside.”

She opened the side door, throwing her inside and closed the door. Ashani was fighting her again. She wanted to run away. She ran away, hiding inside the house. Diana was just smiling. She folloed her behind, teasing her to come out. No, Ashani won’t come out from her hiding. She was scared.

“Ashani~ Find you!”

Ashani was screaming. She was found. She cried. Diana pulled her hand, dragging her to the bedroom.

“Come on, my darling~ I will treat you well if you listen to me, okay?”

She locked the room, stared to kiss her and pushed her to the bed. Ashani was laying in the bed, Diana was on her body. Her kissing was getting wilder. She sucked her tongue, licking her lips. The saliva was drooling on her face. Diana licked it too.

“See… you like it!”

Ashani still refused it. She cried a lot. Her face was wet from tears, saliva and sweats.

“Don’t worry! I will make you like it soon! Well, this is actually my first time doing it with girl but I learned a lot from my sexmates.”

Diana played her nipples again, rubbing it faster and faster. Ashani closed her eyes. It felt weird. Her touches were making her weird.

“N-no… leave me—“

“Aww, your nipples are getting harder. You’re sensitive, aren’t you?”

She opened her clothes, her bra and her pant. Ashani was all naked. She kept closing her eyes, hugging her chest.

“You have so many bruises on your body. You shouldn’t let those bastards leave this scars on you, darling~”

She kissed her neck, sucking it. Ashani was reacting on it. Her body was trembling. Diana kissed all of her body, chest, nipple, her belly and her lower part. All her body was dripping wet by saliva. Diana spreaded her legs wider. Ashani still felt hurted in her lower part. Those men were doing her rough last night. Diana put her tongue, licking it slow, slow then fast, faster, sucking her clit and kissing it.

Ashani couldn’t stand to not to moan. It hurted. It burned her, but it also felt good. She gripped the pillow, her body was lifted up. She cried.

“Pe-please stop it.. I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry…”

“You feel it, right darling? See, your body react to me honestly. Moan more to me~”

She licked it more, faster, Ashani moaned more. Her tears were dripping even more. No, she wouldn’t finish yet. She was just about to begin. Ashani laid there, tried to collect her breathe. Diana was opening her drawer, taking out some sex toys she had.

“We can play everything with these things.”

Ashani never saw it. The men never did her with sex toy before. Diana held a dildo and put the tip of it on her entrance.

“I-it hurts!”

“Really? Don’t you have sex a lot?” Diana put it all inside her. Ashani was crying in pain. It really hurted. Please stop! Please stop!

Diana clicked the button, it was twitching inside. Her body reacted to it. She moaned again. Her feet kept kicking. She can’t endure it. She wanted to stop. Diana stole a kiss again. It was getting intense. She liked her reactions. It turned her on so much. She undressed her clothes. She was also naked now. She smirked at the poor girl, licking her lower lip and opening her mouth. She sucked her breast, licking the nipples, leaving more scars in her body.

Her another hand was playing the dildo inside her. She moved it faster and faster, exploring every spots on her. Ashani let out more moans. She tried to be quiet and closed her mouth with her hands.

“You can moan as you like it! Come on.. haa… no one will hear us… It’s only you and me here”

She clicked it again, making it move more faster. She wanted to hear a moan from her. More for her own pleasure. Ashani was lifting up her hip, she was already on her limit. She came. It felt so wrong. It was wrong. They shouldn’t do it. Not even in the first place. She took a deep breath, Diana wasn’t having fun yet. She pulled out the dildo. She took her another dildo, the bigger one, it was two sided-dildo. She put one side inside her and lining to enter the entrance.

“N-no…”

She felt it. It was inside her. Diana moaned in pleasure. She let it inside her for a while, let Ashani get used with the size. She smiled on her. She kissed her again, while her hands were rubbing her lower part, playing the clit. She reacted again.

“A-ahh… I’ll start moving!”

Ashani gasped. She could feel the movement inside her. It moved slow. Diana kept thrusting, then it was getting faster. The kiss was getting more intense. She took out her tongue, trying to breathe. Diana still continue to kiss her. While her lower was thrusting more deeper. She hugged the poor girl, her hand was stroking her hair away from her face. Licking every inches on her body. The sound of slapping, the scent of sex, the moaning sound and the movement of the bed followed their movement.

“Ahhh… It feels so good! You’re so cute. I finally know why they like to fuck you…”

“Please… forgive m-mee…”

“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t want to hear your apology. Just moan for me, more… for mee…”

She thrusted her hip faster. It getting too rough. Ashani could something about to come inside her. She cried, trying to refuse all the pleasure she got from these.

“Haa…. I’m coming.. Ashani, I will coming inside you..”

She held her hands, holding it tightly. She moved faster, faster, kissing her once again.

“N-no… please ha-haaa…”

They were coming at the same time. Diana fell on her body. She kissed her neck, her ear, her cheek and her lips again. Ashani was already exhausted. She felt sleepy and tired. Diana was still inside her, started to move again.

“No!”

“I still want to do it more…”

It wasn’t finished yet. Ashani didn’t know how many times they were doing it. The time when they were done, it was already dark outside. Ashani was laying in the bed. She looked at the woman that was staring at her. Ashani didn’t have any power left to move her body. Her eyes were getting heavy too. She never had her days free from sex. She thought it was her fate to be a sex toy. She cried again and fell asleep.

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The next time Ashani woke up. It was still dark. Probably it was about 3 am in the morning. She got up, trying to open the door but it couldn’t open. She looked around the room. She checked every sides of the room, trying to find the key, but she couldn’t find it. She only found more and more sex toys. She also stared at Diana several times. She was naked so she must hide the key somewhere but where? Ashani kept searching, she wanted to go out from here.

She still couldn’t find it. It was strange. Was it locked from outside? No, that didn’t make sense. She also tried to open the window but it was also locked. She sat in the corner. She was already giving up on searching it. She could only leave when Diana woke up.

However it was wrong. The next time Diana woke up. They did it again. Diana thrusted her hip faster and harder. Ashani could only moan in pain. The slapping sounds was getting nasty. They kept doing it, again and again, until she passed out. She failed to escape again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. My lord, please forgive me u_u


	6. Shimmering moon

It felt so warm in the morning. The sun was still friendly, before it went up and killed the skins. The summer was longer this year. Richard woke up first. He opened the curtains and the window. It was so calm. The sea and the waves also looked peaceful that time. It was supposed to be a goodday. It should be.

He went out from his room and knocked Erwin’s door, only once, if there wasn’t a respond. He must be still sleeping. There wasn’t a sound from there, so Richard left him be. He was going to the front door, opening the curtain and the door. Some birds were eating in the terrace. They often came and ate here. They once again took a care for stray kids, but it wasn’t bad. Since they had a lot of foods to share and it was better than only just two of them in the house. After giving the birds some foods, he watered the plants. It was nice, leaving peacefully and be able to do his hobbies without any burdens, though he should feed many kids in the house. Erwin was included. However he wouldn’t mind. It was nice living here, he still thought like that.

Some mothers were still friendly to him. He was liked by them. A coveted future husband. He was always called like that. They always greeted him when he was gardening and cleaning the house. Richard also heard muc rumours from them. Mostly all of them were their own family’s problems. They talked about how their useless daughters that couldn’t do chores, their tomboy-ish daughter, etc. Richard didn’t even know who their daughter were, but he always heard that from these mothers.

_It really hurts when your own mother betrays you and embrass you in all of her friends, isn’t?_ He kinda pitied their daughters.

“However… your daughter is still better than that slut, you know?” one of them said.

“Ah… Yes.. About that. Have you heard that? Corbucle’s husband was caught buying her service. Wasn’t that the worst ever?”

“Eh, that husband is interested with a dirty slut like that?”

“I even cant imagine it.”

“Yes, that’s true. Corbucle told it by herself. She already planned to burn that slut’s house, you know?”

“Wha- hahahaha Nice! Nice!”

Richard was speechless. What was just he hearing? These mothers were happy to do some crimes? Burning the house? These mothers were scary. He couldn’t stand the conversation and asked for leave. He soon went inside the house. The mothers were still talking.

The cats already woke up. They were meow-ing to him, asked for the breakfast. Richard also already felt hungry. He decided to make a breakfast. Erwin already woke up. He yawned as he came to the kitchen. He took a glass and poured water, then drank it. It was a nice sleep he had that night.

“Erwin, would you mind taking some tomatoes in the garden? I forgot to garden them. I want to make a sauce.”

“Ok!”

He went to the garden. The mothers were still there. Their voices were so loud, he could hear it even though he was in the side of the house. He gathered the red-ish tomatoes and put them in the basket.

“You know… Richard probably is a good man, but…”

Erwin was distracted, when the mothers were talking about Richard and him.

“Yeah, I don’t know about his friend. I always look him and that slut’s daughter together.”

“Really!?”

“Of course. Their rumours were already spreading in this island. They said that they also have sex in the beach.”

“That’s insane!”

“That slut also have stayed a night here once.”

“They must have done it a lot.”

“Why should it be that slut. There are a lot of girls that more beautiful than her.”

“She must have brainwashed him.”

“Disgusting!”

Erwin was trembling. He was sure that they were talking about him and Ashani. Those rumours were all false too. He never ever did that. He tried not to be mad, he gripped his fists, trying to calm down his mind.

He went to front door and smiled sarcastically. His smile was telling them that he have heard everything they said. The mothers were panicked. They soon left. Erwin was staring at the basket. The tomatoes were really red. He felt so sad. It hurted him when he heard them talking nonsense about Ashani. She wasn’t like that. They all only thought that she was a slut, in fact, she never wanted it. Richard called him from inside the house. He soon went inside to give him the tomatoes.

He started to feel uneasy. He worried. He didn’t want Ashani to get hurted by those villagers. He didn’t want her to hear those words again. He couldn’t eat, it was tasteless. He couldn’t enjoy the meals anymore. He wanted to go outside and searched Ashani soon. He went to her house last night, but the house was empty, no light anymore. Her mother also wasn’t there. He really worried.

Richard realized it, that his friend didn’t even take a bite on his cooking. It annoyed him, but he was more annoyed when Erwin showed that sad face.

“Why don’t you eat? You don’t like the sauce I make?”

Erwin didn’t respond. Richard was pissed now. He took his chopstick and hit it in his head, not hard but certainly shocked him.

“W-what are you doing!?”

“You don’t eat my cooking and ignore my questions.”

“Ah! I’m sorry. I am just thinking about somethings.”

“What things?”

“That… Some rumors about me and Ashani...”

“Oh.. that..”

“You already knew?”

“Yeah, those mothers always spread some clueless rumors. It was funny that they even told it to me. Well, I don’t believe them. Most of their words are wrong too.”

“Mostly…?”

“Yeah! I don’t believe if you have sex with Ashani, knowing she is still minor.”

“H-h-have sex? Y-y-you… while eating.. like this!?”

“That’s normal… But, I sometimes think that you and her have something between you. Or just my feeling?”

“That… “ Erwin couldn’t answer that. He was also still thinking about it. He ate faster, until he choked. Richard sighed and gave him a water. After finishing the meals, he went outside. He really wanted to find Ashani. He was worried. Richard couldn’t come with him. Someone needed to take care a house and it was his duty.

He searched in the place that she always went to, but he didn’t see any signs of her. He started to be panicked. What if she was brought to the hotel again? He ran, faster to go to the hotel.

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The crying sounds were all around the room, her hand was tied as the other woman was sucking her neck and left some hickeys. Ashani was crying hopeless as her body was used by Diana. She was exhausted and started to pass out again. She laid on the bed. Her eyes was so blank. It was swollen too. Diana held a camera and took a pictures of her. Ashani tried to get up.

“….w-what is… that?”

“Hm? Oh, it’s camera. I want to take some pictures of you. You look amazing in the camera, you know?”

Ashani tried to hide her face below the pillow. She didn’t want her to take her pictures, not even in this state.

“Come on! Show me your face! You know, some men want to pay higher to buy these kind of photos. I will share the earnings half to you if you want to cooperative.”

“N-no!”

“Cih, boring! Then… I wont ever release you. I will use you over and over. Or should I even invite some men to play with us too? It should be fun!”

Ashani was shocked. She didn’t want to stay here again. She wanted it to end. She showed her face and stared at the camera. She was trembling and crying. However, Diana was excited to see her expressions like this.

“You’re so cute!”

One hour later, she was released, but she couldn’t stand up yet. Her body was all aching. She was sitting in the bed, staring around the room, while Diana was preparing the photos she just took. Ashani didn’t look around when she came before. She couldn’t even see when she was used. Her swollen eyes made she felt even worse. She could feel water was leaking from her eyes. It hurted. She rubbed her eyes, but it even made her couldn’t open it. Diana realized it. She took a tissue and soaked in with water and put it in her eyes. Ashani was just staying there, not moving or making any sounds.

“Hold it for some minutes. You cried too much that makes your eyes like this.” Ashani didn’t respond. She touched the tissue to make sure it wont fall down. She should wait to her eyes to be able to be opened again, then she would go.

“Why… did you… do that?” She asked the woman, while her hands were trembling.

“Hm? Because I just want to? I have no reasons to have sex with who, don’t it?”

“You don’t have any…”

“Yeah, I like it when I can be embraced. I don’t care with anyone as long as it feel good.”

“…Is it… feeling good?”

“Of course. You also see it, don’t you? You came a lot because you thought that it felt good, right?”

“…N-no… I don’t like it…”

“Really? Or… you want it to be done with someone you love?”

“L-love?”

“You don’t know ‘love’? Ah, you’re still fifteen though. How can you be a slut when your mind is still this innocent? Do those men just like raping a kid? I don’t quite understand, huh…”

“I-I don’t understand…”

“You don’t need to understand. Just feel it and enjoy it! Nothing you can do with love. It was just such a bullshit.”

Ashani was just silence. She didn’t move and push the woman that was hugging her right now. She didn’t understand what was love meaning, or why it should be done with sex. She had sex a lot. Her mother sold her. She never knew the men who did her. How could she feel the love from all of them. She only felt the pain. It was hurting her a lot.

“Also, I found some drugs in your pockets. Are you using drugs?” Ashani just nodded. Diana was just staring at her. “It would kill you slowly, you know?”

Ashani didn’t understand either. What was death meaning? She didn’t feel scared of it, as she never knew the meaning of it. She put the tissue away from her eyes. She could open her eyes slowly. She looked at her arms. Both were full oh hickeys and bites. Diana bit every inches in her body. She didn’t know how should she explained it to her mother. She felt disgusted with her own body. She got up, put he her clothes on and she realized it that her bracelet wasn’t in her wrist anymore. She got panicked. She checked all aroung her clothes, her pockets and the bed. It wasn’t in there.

“D-do you see.. my bracelet?” asked Ashani to Diana. Her tears started to fall again.

“Oh, I threw it in the garbage bin. It’ just a plastic bracelet. I can give you the better and the expensive one if you want.

“No! I want that one!”

“What is goo with an imitation product?”

“It- It’s from Erwin… Please open the door… I want- I want to look for it… now..” She was wiping her tears and sobbing.

“Well, I will open it.”

Diana took the key and opened the door. Ashani immediately went away from the room, but Diana pulled her hand again.

“No, go away from me!”

Diana smiled at her and closen her face to her ear, “I will see you again next time. Come to my house at 4 pm.”

“No! I don’t want to come here again!”

“Awww… but I know you will… because I have your pictures, don’t you remember?”

“I think I will give it to Erwin as well.”

“N-no… please!”

“Then, come and play with me!”

Ashani was trembling. She could feel all her body stopped moving. _Please god, if you’re really there. Please, take me away from this hell!_

She immediately pushed her hand from her, as she collected back all her mind. She needed to find the bracelet. It was very important for her. She checked all the buckets in the house, but she couldn’t find it. She went outside, there was a spot that was usually used to burn garbages. The villagers were always burning their garbages in the spot in the ground. She took one by one the garbages out. Her fingers were full of the dirt and mud. She didn’t care about that and keep searching. Her eyes wided when she looked the sparkle. The blue-ish sparkle, it was her bracelet. She took it out. It was full of mud now. Ashani rubbed it to get rid the mud. She immediately ran from there. There was no houses around. Diana’s house was the only one and all around it was only the woods.

She walked into the woods. Her steps were very slow and small. Fortunately she wore the shoes, if not, her feet would step to something sharp in the ground. It would hurt her. She put the bracelet on her wrist. She rubbed it as she walked. It was her treasure.

It was already dark when she was finally out from the woods. She was taking a long road and got lost sometimes. She thought that she should go home. She didn’t want anyone looked at her in this state. It was very disgusting to be seen like this. There were some laughing voices inside her house. She realized that her mother was in the house and invited her friends again. All her friends were men and they sometimes touched her too.

She pushed the door and came in. She looked her mother was drinking the beer while the bigger man was touching her private part. It was unpleasing to see. Her mother just recognized her. She looked at her in disgust.

“Whoaa… what the hell do you think you’re doing?! I said you only have one day off but you go home the next day after!? Also, what the hell do you think!? Leaving those gross scars on your hand and your neck!?”

“Hee… it’s not bad at all. I can see that she had a very wild fuck in her day off, ha,ha,haha!” one of her friend said.

Ashani put her head down. They were staring at her so long.

“Hey, you should pay if you want to touch her!” Her mother said, as she stared at Ashani with scary stare.

“Nah, I don’t feel like doing it today.”

“Tch!”

“You’re really using her only for money, huh?”

“Nothing you can do with that trash.”

Ashani still stood her, hugging her stomach and looked at the ground. Her mother looked disappointed with her. She couldn’t earn money today, so she told Ashani to just cleaned her body and went to her room. Ashani went to bathroom. She undressed her clothes and washed her body. It was so cold and her body was trembling. After taking a shower, she went to her room and her mother waited in her front door. She gave her some protection pills again.

“Well, I don’t really believe that you really do it with those men, eh. You must eat these pills. I don’t want to hear that you get pregnant or something.”

Ashani took the pills. Her mother still stared at her,waiting her to eat it. Ashani should eat it in front of her mother, because her mother would never believe her. Ashani eated it, swallowing it. Her mother put a smile in her face, as she was proud with it. Then, she pushed her body to inside the room. Ashani just stared at her and her mother locked the door from the outside. She was locked at her room, alone. Her room was pretty dark, there was no lamp on there. The only thing that could help her to see was the moonlight from her window. She left the curtain opened, as she laid in the bed, hugging her knees and falling asleep.

She didn’t really care about everything. All the noises outside her room didn’t even brother her. Even though, there was some kicking wall sound and some moaning and laughing, she didn’t mind. She was already in deep sleep. She was having a good dream. Only in her sleep, she could see the peace.


	7. Blue and Black

Ashani was five that day. When she sneaked behind the door to watch her parents dancing. They were dancing happily, hugging and kissing, loving each other. Her mother looked at her father with lovely eyes. Ashani liked it when she looked at them. Her father just recognized her and stopped the steps. Her mother also realized it. She was smiling at her, approaching her and picking her up.

“It’s already late.”

“I want to see mama and papa dancing!” the small girl said with the pure eye in her face. Her father approached them, he stroke the small girl’s hair and smiled at her.

“Time to sleep, Ashani!”

“I want to sleep with you two.”

“Well, lets sleep together then! First, let brush your teeth!” Ashani nodded. She hugged her mother neck and leaning her head on her shoulder as her mother brought her to the bathroom. Her father followed behind.

After brushing her teeth, she ran to her parent’s room. The room that her mother chose once they decided to buy this house. In this room, they could see the sea. The scenery that she and her husband loved to see together. Her father sat on the bed. Ashani came to him and hugged him, tightly. She also kissed on his cheek. She loved her parents a lot. She couldn’t understand the meaning of love but she felt that when her parents were gathering together, it’s the happiest time for her.

Her father was working outside of the island and only came home once a month. Nothing he can do in this island so he have no choice to work far from his family. When he was home, he will spend his time with his family. He always invited her wife to dance every nights and he also accompany Ashani to play in the beach. They were the newcomers in the island. They decided to live in this small island when they found out that her love was pregnant. She was unwanted by her own families when they told them. Because she was pregnant in very yound age. She was 17 when when she carried the baby. He knew it was his responsibility. They were living in the city for a while however people were always judging them. Especially Ashani’s mother. Some mothers in her neighborhood called her bitch. It was so painful to her to be called like that when she carried the baby. Her husband knew about it. He asked her to move to another place. She accepted and they were choosing to live in the village. It would be a peace place for her to calm her minds. Since Ashani was born. They already lived in this house.

Ashani liked sea shells. She always collected and gave them to her father and mother. It was her treasure and she always shared her treasures to someone important for her. With hand full of sands, she handed over the shells and gave it to her father. She smiled widely and laughed a lot. She was a cheerful child.

She never had friends in the island, since her house was so far from villagers houses. Sometimes, her mother took her to the market but since it was far and Ashani couldn’t walk too long so she always left her at home and she should lock her in the house. However, since her father was here. She could play with her father and waited for her mother to arrive from shopping.

Her father was sitting in the ground and wrote something on the sand. Ashani looked at him. She was confused.

“Papa? What are you doing?”

“I’m writing your name. See… this is A-S-H-A-N-I.”

“That’s my name!”

“Yes, you want to try writing too?”

Ashani nodded. She took out a stick and made a line on the ground. It wasn’t a word. She was just randomly drawing. Her father stared at it. He didn’t know what she was drawing. He only saw three circles and some lines all around it.

“What are you drawing?”

“It’s papa, mama and me!”

“Wahh, it looks so good!”

She hugged the stick and smiled. She was happy when her father praised her. She drew more while her father was watching and keep praising her. Her mother was calling them. She was already done shopping. Ashani ran to her and pulled her mother’s hand. She wanted to show her drawing to her. Her mother praised her and stroke her head. She hugged her mother. She was happy.

A week later, her father should go to the city for his work. Ashani still didn’t want her father to go, she kept hugging her father, asking him to stay. Her mother tried to persuade her. Ashani stopped and obeyed her mother. She had a promise to her father back then, that she must obey her mother’s orders. She nodded and came to her mother and hugged her as her father waved at her and said goodbye. She wanted to cry but she promised wont cry so she hid her face on her mother shoulder. Her mother rubbed her shoulder and looked at her husband. She asked him to have a safe trip.

They were two again. It was lonely but it was totally fine. Her mother was always by her side. She helped her mother everything she can, even though she mostly made the mess on it. How many plates that she accidentally broke? How many dirt that she made? How many drawings that she drew in the wall. Her mother was always tired when she cleaned all the mess her daughter made. However, since she was still a kid. She couldn’t get mad on her.

The next month, they were waiting in front door. Her husband would come home today. They were already waited since morning till evening. However, her husband didn’t come yet. Ashani already yawned. Her mother picked her up and she was leaning her head in her shoulder. She already fell asleep. She wanted to wait longer but she was already sleepy too. She closed the door and head up to the bedroom.

The next day, they were waiting again. The next, and next, and next days. They were still waiting but the husband didn’t appear yet. It was already a month, again, he didn’t come. Ashani didn’t mention it but she missed her father so much. She looked at her mother’s face. She looked so sad. Ashani didn’t like it when her mother was sad.

They spent another month again, waiting. Her mother started to worry. She thought that her husband must throw them away. He must not love her again. She looked at the mirror. She felt ugly. All the homeworks made her couldn’t care about her body. She thought because of her appearance wasn’t interesting again that’s why her husband left. She always had mental breakdown when she thought about it. Ashani sneaked behind her. She was also sad. She didn’t want her mother cried. She hated it when she looked her mother crying. She ran to her and hugged her shoulder. She rubbed her mother’s shoulder as she told her that she will always be by her side.

The next day, Ashani woke up. She didn’t see her mother in the bed. She went out to check her in the kitchen. She was there, slicing the vegetables. Her hand moved so slow and her eyes looked swollen. She couldn’t sleep. Ashani was only a kid. She couldn’t understand or helped her.

“Mama… I will be a good kid. Please smile again and don’t be sad!”

Her mother glared at her, blankly. Ashani couldn’t say anything. Her gaze frightened her. She sat on the table as her mother served her a meal. It looked weird and didn’t have any smells anymore. She didn’t want to eat it but her mother stared at her. She asked her to eat it. Ashani took her spoon and grab the meal. It didn’t have any taste anymore. She wanted to puke when she ate it but her mother told her to not to spit it. She obeyed her again, tried her best to swallow it. She didn’t want to eat it anymore but her mother ordered her to finished it all. She nodded and tried her best to finish it.

“I’m sorry, Ashani… I have to force you to eat this tasteless foods. We… don’t have any money to buy salt and some seasonings.” Her mother apologized to her. Ashani smiled at her, as she said she was okay with it.

Her meals were really tasteless lately. Before they could still eat twice a day but after a few week , they could only afford to eat once a day and the portion was smaller. They have to share the food too. Ashani was getting skinnier days by days. However, she never showed her sadness in front of everyone. She still liked to collect the shells. She started to memorize the song that her father set when they were dancing. However, she couldn’t sing that song around her mother. She would be so sad when she heard that song again.

One night, her mother came home and brought a man. The man that she never saw before. She asked her mother who he was but her mother just asked her to sleep in her room. She pulled her hand and lock her in the room. Ashani didn’t react. She was still confused. She sat and put her ear close to the door. She listened her mother screamed. She didn’t understand what she was doing. She also heard some slapping sound and her mother screamed even louder. Ashani got scared. She thought that her mother was crying, because she sounded like she was in a lot of pain. Ashani started to cry. She was really scared.

The next day, she heard the door opened. Her mother shook her body to wake her up. Ashani immediately woke up. She touched her mother’s face, asking her if she was okay or not. Her mother showed her a thin smile. She said she was fine. Her mother asked her to get a lunch. Ashani followed her to the kitchen. She could smell something nice there. She saw her mother was serving her meat. She never ate it for a long time.

“Eat this! I finally can earn some money to buy it.”

Ashani as drooling. She was really hungry. She swallowed her saliva as she stared at the meats. She wanted it so bad. She moved her legs, and her body reacted happily. Her mother gave her the meat. She closed her eyes, smelling at it, trying to memorize the smell on her mind. She took the small slice and ate it. She looked so happy when she ate it. It was the best. She also gave her mother the meat.

“Mama! Say ‘ah’!”

Her mother looked happy, she ate the meat from her daughter’s spoon. Ashani smiled. She did good. She was a good daughter. They could buy some food stocks. However, her mother’s friends were coming here very often. She was locked in her room every night. Ashani wanted to sleep with her mother. It was almost every day they came there and Ashani started to get used on it. However, she still couldn’t stand it when she heard her mother cried. She closed her ears below the pillow. She was scared.

It was already three months later. Her father still hadn’t come for 5 months. Ashani stared at her window. She looked someone’s figure in distance. It was a familiar figure. She opened the door and ran outside.

“Papa! Papa! Papa!” called Ashani.

Her mother heard it, she ran outside the house and looked at him. She started to cry and ran at him. His husband just stood there. He smiled gently at them. Ashani hugged him. She really missed her father so much. Her mother was still crying.

“Ashani, can you leave us alone?” Her father asked her. She obeyed it and went inside the house.

She waited in front door as she looked at them. Her mother cried even louder. She kicked her father’s chest and she cried. Her father was just standing there, staring at her. Ashani didn’t know what was happening. _Why is mama crying?_

Her mother fell on the ground. She looked so broken. Her father started walking away. He was about to leave again.

“W-wait… Papa?” Ashani called her father and running to him.

Her father stopped and looked at her. He didn’t say anything. Ashani was confused. What was happening?

“Papa, where do you want to go? I- I miss you, papa! Please, don’t go! I will always be a good kid.”

“Sorry, Ashani! Papa have to go.”

“Where?”

Her mother was still crying in the ground. Ashani started to be panicked. She didn’t want this.

“Please take me and mama with you too. Papa…!”

“I can’t.”

“…E-eh? Why?”

Her father stroke her head, “Please take care on your mama for now on! Can you promise to me?”

“Where do you want to go? Please don’t leave us!”

“I can’t!” He pushed away her hand on him and left them. His steps were big, compared to Ashanis small steps. She ran to catch her father but she fell. Her father stopped for a while. He still looked worried, but he couldn’t go back. He started to walk again. Ashani got up and ran again. She stopped when she saw another woman was standing in front of her. She held her father’s hand and asked him to go. Ashani didn’t understand. _Who is this woman? Why Papa leaves us to to that woman?_

Ashani heard her mother was crying even louder. She was worried and running to her mother. She hugged her mother. She couldn’t cry, even though she was also sad and scared. Her hands were trembling.

“Ma-mama… ma-mamaa… I’m here… I am here, mama…” she tried to calm down her mother.

_I will never ever leave you alone, mama._

_So please, don’t cry!_

_I’m here._

_Always here for you._

_._

_._

_._

_._

Her mother changed a lot since that day. She started drinking and smoking. It smelled so bad in the house. All around the bed was smelling like a smoke. Ashani couldn’t stand it but her mother didn’t want to hear her. She was only 5 year olds after all. Adults wont ever respect her. It was getting worse. Her mother even used drugs with her friends. Ashani just stared there, watching them partying around. One of her friends walked to Ashani.

“Hey! How old are you?”

“…” Ashani just stayed silent.

“She’s still 5.” Her mother told him.

“Oooh… well. That sucks.”

“Hey! Don’t tell me you’re interested to kids, ha,ha,ha!”

“Well, she’s kinda cute tho.”

Her mother started to feel annoyed. She got up and pulled Ashani’s hand and locked her in again. Ashani took a deep breath. She was really scared.

She was reaching 8 year olds. She was also getting taller but still so skinny. She didn’t get any enough food to eat. Her mother always used all the money for her and her friends partying and buying some beers and drugs. They were drinking all days. Ashani could only hide in her room. She played with the shells she collected.

That night she was eeling thirsty so she went out to get a water in the kitchen. She couldn’t find anything. She asked her mother, that was still partying with her friends. She asked her the water. Some of the men were smirking and staring at her. She felt uncomfortable.

Her mother gave her a glass of water. It looked like a plain water. She drank it and it tasted so bitter. They were laughing at her, while she was choking. Her mother asked her to drink all of it and she obeyed her. it didn’t feel good after all. She felt dizzy and fell down. Her sights were getting blurry and couldn’t even move. Some men were carrying her up and laying her on the couch. Her mother just stared at them and drank the beer.

“I will charge you all for this.”

“Hahh? You’re shitty bitch!!”

“Everything for money!”

“Tch, fine!! We’ll pay! Now, can we use her?”

“Just do her anytime you want! I don’t really care!”

“Well! Let us taste her! Wait, isn’t she still virgin!?”

“Woah! That’s nice, eh!”

They were undressing her clothes, started hugging her weak body and taking her. Ashani could feel the pain but she couldn’t push them away. She started bleeding below. Her small body was struggling. She could only cry, as she looked at her mother, asking for help.

The next morning, she woke up. She felt all the pain inside her body. She was alone in the couch. The men already left. She cried. Her hand trembled. It hurted so much. Please stop! Please stop! Her mother came and looked at her. She gave her some pills.

“Eat it! You wont feel the pain after eating it!”

Ashani didn’t want to eat it. She was already traumatized by the incident last night. She shook her head. Her mother came closer. She grabbed her face and forced her mouth to open.

“Eat! Open your mouth!”

“Hmmh.., hmph!”

Her mother was getting mad. She slapped her face. Ashani was shocked. It was the first time her mother ever hurted her. She looked at her mother. She totally changed a lot.

“I don’t need a child like you! You better just go with that bastard! I hate it! I hate it! I hate you so much!”

“….Ma-mama?”

Ashani was scared, really scared. Her mother pulled her hand, dragging her out from the house.

“Leave this home now! You useless child! GO! GO NOW!” She yelled, pulled the small girl’s hair.

“Mama! It hurts! I’m sorry, mama!! Please!! I’m sorry!!” Ashani tried to push her mother’s hand from her hair. She was crying.

Her mother stopped and stared at her. Ashani hugged her mother’s legs, kneeling at her.

“P-please mama… I don’t have any place to go! Please… Please… let me stay here…!”

Her mother knelt and grabbed her face again. Ashani didn’t move, just letting the pills went through her throat. She looked at her mother. She was really scared. She didn’t have anyone else, only her mother. She only had her mother.

After that incident, her mother always sold her to those pervert men. She was given drugs and protection pills too. Her mother would only give her a reward by giving her their leftover foods. It already happened for 7 years.

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Ashani opened her eyes. She felt dizzy. She had a weird dream last night. Her eyes were wet. She was crying in her sleep. She got up and looked at the window. The sea looked calm. The waves was waving slow. Ashani held her bracelet. Her mother opened the door and threw her the leftover foods from last night. Ashani was hungry. She didn’t eat anything since yesterday. She ate them. Half of the foods were already rotten but she didn’t care. She was hungry and she only had these.

After finishing the foods, she went outside. She didn’t know where she should go though. She couldn’t go to see Erwin in this state. She could only stayed in the beach, holding the stick and wrote in the ground. She already memorized some words so she wrote Erwin’s name there. She smiled for a while of this.

“….my writing is getting better…”

She stared at the sea. Standing there for long time. She took a deep breath.

“…I hope the sea would embrace me…”

She stared down as she looked a little crab was walking below her. She knelt and her hands were getting ready to catch it. However, the crab ran away. She failed to catch it. The crab was going to the sea. She looked at it. She spent all her day in the beach. She didn’t know where the places that should she go. She sat there, playing with sands and sea shells, till the sun started to set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry u_u
> 
> I listened to Song of the Ancients Devola.vers 1 hour loop while writing it. It was really calming my soul


	8. Polaris

Erwin went with disappointed feeling. He couldn’t find Ashani again that day. He already searched her for a week. This time, Richard helped him. They tried to find her in her house but it was always empty. No one was there. They wondered as if they already moved to another place and left the island. They felt uneasy. Well, they only came in the wrong time. Today, he will go there again. He didn’t give up. He saw the side door was open. He ran soon as he saw Ashani in the house. She was alone in the house.

“Ashani!” He called her. Richard was also there.

Ashani was silenced. She didn’t know what to say. She checked on her body. Her wounds and scars started to fade away.

“I’m really worried! I thought you left the house.”

“…Erwin?”

“Are you doing fine?” She nodded.

“Why don’t you come to our house again?” Richard asked. He was also worried.

“I’m sorry.”

They were silence for a while. It was awkward for Ashani. She didn’t see them for a week. She didn’t know how to act. She felt numb. Lately, she only felt numbness. She didn’t feel anything. However, seeing Erwin and Richard again made her calm. She also missed them a lot.

“Ashani? Would you mind if we come in?” Erwin was curious. He wanted to know how her house’s condition. Ashani thought nothing she should worry so she let them in.

Her house was so empty. There was literally nothing. Ashani had cleaned all the mess from last night. She already threw away the beer cans and some garbages. Erwin checked at kitchen. This house was really so empty. Richard stared at the wall. He could see some drawing there. He asked Ashani as if she drew them and she nodded.

They felt something off with Ashani. Her eyes, her expression, were totally blank. She also always stared on the ground. Ashani didn’t show her charming acts anymore. She looked really tired. She was really tired.

After looking around the house, they were staying in the beach. Ashani was standing there while the men were sitting in the ground. Ashani didn’t move anymore. She didn’t even care about the sea shells. She only stared at the sea.

“Ashani! You can sit here. Don’t stand too long. It must be tiring.” Erwin asked her. She nodded and sat next to him. She put her legs together and hugged her knees.

Erwin was getting worried again. He didn’t want to see it. He missed her pure smile and her cuteness. She looked so different now. Erwin realized it. Her body was very skinny. Too skinny that made him afraid. She could be crushed so easily. Ashani felt so sleepy so she asked to go home. They were just silenced. She left them, walking away without looking behind.

Ashani laid on her bed. She felt extremely tired lately. She didn’t felt anything. It was so numb. The numbness was kinda feeling good. She even didn’t mind eat those rotten foods that her mother gave. She didn’t felt disgusted when those men touched her. It was nothing. She couldn’t feel anything. She slept a lot. She had to serve some men again this night and her mother gave her drugs and some medicines again. All of them affected her now. She sometimes felt something hurted in her chest so she ate more and more pills. She was feeling numb after she ate them.

The next day, she was awake because her stomach felt so hurt. She ran to the bathroom and vomit. It tasted weird in her tongue. Her hand didn’t stop trembling. Her breathes were getting uncontrolled. Ashani held her own chest. It felt so hurt on her chest. She vomited all the rotten foods she ate. It smelled so bad. She coughed and choked her throat. It really didn’t feel good anymore. She sat on the floor. Her legs felt powerless. She couldn’t stand. Her all body was in pain but she couldn’t cry anymore.

More she served the men, more drugs she had to swallow. Sometimes she only drank the pills and didn’t eat anymore. She was getting unhealthy. She didn’t go outside anymore. She didn’t feel like to walk. Her legs were getting weaker. She was laying in her dark room everyday. She stared on her bracelet. She still liked it so much. She kissed the bracelet and fell asleep.

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Erwin was feeling so angry. He felt like he would beat the person in front of him. It was a man that was raping Ashani in the hotel. He met him in the market while he and Richard were shopping. The man literally just told him that he didn’t rape her. He bought her. Hearing that really made him so mad.

“What do you mean, buying her?”

“O ya? You don’t know? She is a slut. Everybody in this island know that. Her mother always sells her to the men. That’s why even though you report to police, they don’t really care. This island is boring. All women here was literally over 40 years old. Having such a slut is the nice thing that this island has.”

“Stop kidding around!!” Erwin was really mad. He gripped his fist. Richard was also mad but he was calmer. Even though he wasn’t gonna lie that he wanted to beat this man’s face so bad.

“Nah, I’m not joking. You can ask her directly if you want. You never really ask what she says as helping her mother,huh? Sluts are born as a slut, after all.”

Erwin really was on his limit. He come closer to the man and about to beat but Richard stopped him. “No, Erwin! You cant do that with those angry feelings. You need to be calm… and just punch this asshole face!!” Richard punched the man very hard, that he fell down. He touched his cheek.

“What the fuck are you thinking huh!?”

Some villagers were watching. They were shocked when seeing Richard beat that man. Erwin was also shocked. He never thought his friend would ever hit someone. He always thought that Richard was just a soft-hearted man. It was really a hard punch. The man was still mourning in pain.

“Lets go, Erwin! We should bring Ashani out from that house!”

They were leaving, while man was just could stare at them. They were really worried. Why didn’t they realize that earlier. They fasten their steps and started running. There was nobody in the house. Erwin knocked the door but no one opened the door. He called Ashani over and over. They didn’t move even there was no response from the house.

“She isn’t in there?”

“I don’t know! We have to find her now!”

They checked the side door, back door, even the window, but there were not any signs of her anymore. Erwin checked in the woods near from there, calling her again. Richard checked at the beach. He saw some footprints there. He followed the footprints however it stopped into the woods. He couldn’t see anything again. Erwin ran there too. They both stared at the woods.

“ Was she… going there?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What should we do?”

“I-I will wait in the front door.”

“Wait, Erwin! Are you sure about that?”

“Yes, I will wait till midnight. She’ll probably come back.”

“Then… I will go home first. I need to make a dinner for you and the cats. I will come here again after dinner’s ready.”

“Sure! Thank you, Richard!”

Richard left him. he walked alone in the street. He remembered his friend’s expression. He sometimes thought that Erwin still couldn’t forget his mistakes in the past. He sighed and stopped. He looked at the sky. It was orange. The orange sky above him, sometimes made him missed his last summer again. _What if we never come here anymore?_

He arrived home. He opened the front door and the cats was greeting him. They meow-ed and rubbed his legs. They were hungry. Richard closed the door and headed to the kitchen. The cats followed him behind. Richard grabbed the cat’s food. He lined up the plates and poured the foods. The cats were eating it. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed some vegetables and meats.

Erwin was still waiting. It was getting darker cause the sun was already setting. Some mosquitos bite him. He felt uncomfortable. He rubbed his hands and his legs. He had to bear it. It was nothing. He saw a light from the street. He ran to the light. He hoped it was Ashani, but it wasn’t. It was Richard. He came and brought a meal box. Erwin took a deep breathe, he was so panicked.

“How?” asked Richard.

“Noone comes. The house is also so dark. I guess her mother isn’t in house too.”

“Well… I will accompany you. We will wait until midnight. Then, we go home if they aren’t coming yet.”

“I understand.”

They were leaning their shoulder on the wall. Richard turned off the flashlight. They saw above. The stars were shining so bright.

“Erwin, you really have a feeling on her, don’t you?” Richard started the conversation.

“…. I still…”

“ No, I know it. You really think of her the most. I can really understand why you do these all. You… don’t want to make a mistake that you did before, right?”

Erwin was slilenced. He looked at Richard that was still looking above the sky.

“Erwin…, something that happened in the past wasn’t your fault at all. I already said that I forgave you. It’s okay now.”

“No…! I-I do this not because… of the past. I just want to protect her. I do all of these because I really want. If you don’t want to help me. You don’t have to...”

“ Well, I also want to help. I just want to make sure if you’re not doing it to atone what have happened in the past.”

They kept silence after that. No one of them spoke. They were just staring at the sky. It was really calming. They waited till midnight. It was getting cold. Richard asked him to go home. It wasn’t good for them to stay outside in this temperature. Noone was coming too. Erwin didn’t want to leave but he didn’t want to make his friend worried too. He nodded and walked to the home.

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In the next day, Erwin still went to the house. He sae Ashani’s mother there. She was talking with some men. Erwin hid in the trees to peek their conversation. The mother looked so mad.

“Where that damned kid!? She doesn’t come home in two days!? Huhh!!”

The men were laughing. “Probably she is in those city men’s house again?”

“I guess. I can’t come there again! Damn it! They will call the police again. That kid looked so horrible when i last saw her. Fuck!”

“Oh, you said she was hit by the customer?”

“Yeah! That fucking kid, didn’t even react when he fucked her and he thought if he hit her. She will react! The customer didn’t want to pay because he didn’t satisfy anymore. I will give that kid a lesson when she comes!”

Erwin was trembling. his entire body was feeling the anger. He couldn’t bear it. He wanted to run there and kicked all of them, but he still thought he shouldn’t show up. He still hid there, listening more of their conversations. They mentioned about the drugs that they always gave to Ashani and also they found out that Ashani was pregnant. Erwin fell down. He couldn’t think. His minds were blank. They were already going inside the house. Erwin tried to walk. He should leave from there.

Richard was just back from shopping. He saw Erwin in the street. He looked gloomy. He kept staring in the ground. Those eyes showed the anger and also sadness. Richard ran to him, asking him what happened. Erwin was just silence. His hands were trembling. He was angry, frustrated, sad and also afraid.

“Erwin! Lets come in first! Calm your mind!” He nodded and followed him.

Richard gave him water and some snacks. He sat in front of him, trying to talk to him. However, Erwin didn’t look like talking. He was still staring in the ground. Richard couldn’t ask. He should wait until his friend was already calm enough to talk. He still sat there, trying to calm him down again. Erwin took a deep breathe again. He should tell him. He told him everthing he just heard, making Richard trembled too. He was also angry. Probably, it was the first time he saw Richard be angry like this again.

It was so calm. The bed also felt soft and cozy. There was only some birds chirping and some crickets made a sound. Someone opened the door, with the glass of water, stepping to the bed and pulling the blanket. A girl was laying on the bed. She looked battered. Her cheeks were swollen. There was a dry blood in her lips. There was also a knotted-tied scars in her wrist. Her blue bracelet was right in her hand as she kissed it in her sleep.

“Ashani! Wake up!” The woman called her.

Ashani opened her eyes and looked at her. “Di…a…na..”

“You should eat and clean your wounds! Get up!”

Ashani got up. She looked so blank. She looked at Diana was holding a spoon and trying to feed her.

“Say ‘ah’!”

Ashani opened her mouth, putting the spoon inside her mouth and swallowed it. It didn’t have any tastes. It doesn’t feel good too.

“I only have rice so I decide to make a porridge. Is it too salty?”

Ashani shook her head. “… It doesn’t have… any taste.”

“Really?” Diana tried the porridge. She looked confused. “I can feel the saltiness tho. Wait! Open your mouth!”

Ashani just obeyed her. She opened her mouth and could see Diana was touching her tongue.

“Can you feel my finger?” Ashani shook. “You don’t?” Diana rubbed her face. “You should finish it. Don’t spit it out! Here.. say ‘ah!”

After eating, Diana helped her walked to the bathroom. Ashani sat in the floor while Diana slowly pured the warm water on her shoulder. She didn’t react anymore. Diana washed her hair, face, hands, leg and her lower part. She touched it gently. After taking a shower, she treated her wounds and gave her clothes to Ashani. After that, Ashani went to the room. She wanted to sleep more. She hugged her stomach. Diana put the blanket to her and left the room. She locked the room from outside. Diana went to the kitchen, washing the dishes.

“That old bitch! What have she done to her daughter, huh?”


	9. Ebb and flow

It was cold when she went out from the side door. Some men were still sleeping in the couch. She looked to them and her mother who was also sleeping. She walked in to pet her mother’s head. She was in deep sleep and not realizing her anymore. She smiled a bit when seeing her mother’s sleeping face. She whispered, with small voice in her lips, saying goodbye to her mother.

She walked alone in the empty street. It was still dark. The moonlight helped her to see the road. She didn’t know where to go but she kept walking. She stopped and looked at the sea. The moon looked beautiful above there. She sat in the ground, hugging her knees and leaning her head on the tree. She closed her eyes but she couldn’t sleep. Her eyes looked swollen because she didn’t sleep for 3 days. She didn’t feel like sleeping after all. She rubbed her belly, knowing that she was carrying a baby inside. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t prepare for it. She was still a kid after all. 

“What are you doing here?” 

A woman voice just woke her up. She looked behind and found the white dressed woman stood behind here. 

“Why are you outside by yourself, Ashani?”

It was Diana. Ashani didn’t respond. She only looked at the ground. Diana carried some bags with here. She offered a hand, asking Ashani to stand up. Ashani just let her to pull her up. She was so light, that Diana didn’t need any effort to pull her hand. 

“You look awful.” 

Ashani still touched her belly. It felt weird inside her belly. 

“Don’t tell me… you’re pregnant?”

Ashani kept putting her face down. Diana tried to look at her face but she didn’t want to show it. Diana dragged her, leaving from there. Ashani didn’t fight her. She didn’t respond and just followed here without saying anything. 

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It was already noon. Diana woke her up. Well, since the bed was nice and the room was clean. It helped her to sleep. Ashani opened her eyes, getting up and looking at her. She brought sandwiches. She cut them in smaller sizes and fed it to Ashani. She opened her mouth slowly and put it inside. Diana fed another slice and she ate the last slice. She went to the kitchen and put the dishes there. She washed her hands and took a nail clipper. She went to the bedroom again. 

She sat beside Ashani, holding her right hand and cutting her dirty nails. Ashani only stared at her. Diana treated her so nice. She cleaned her hairs, made a meal for her, took her a shower and gave her a nice sleep. After cutting the last nail, Diana wiped her fingers with wet tissue. She told her to sleep again. Ashani only slept lately. She didn’t move from the bed since the day she came here. 

Diana locked the room. She needed to go outside. She had to earn money so she would find some customers. She left the snacks and water on the desk next to Ashani so she would be starving. She will come home in midnight so she already prepared whatever Ashani needed. Although, all Ashani did was only sleeping, waking in short time, looking at the wall then sleeping again. She didn’t touch the snacks or even drink the water. She was just sleeping all days. 

At one AM, Diana just arrived. She was tired. She undressed her dress, throwing it on the floor and going to the bathroom, cleaning her body. She almost fell asleep in the bathroom. She turned off the light. She stared at the room, she took the key and unlocked the door. She saw that Ashani was still sleeping. She was already tired but she needed to wake her up. She should eat at least. She shook her body, waking her up. Ashani slowly opened her eyes. 

“Why don’t you eat your meal? You just make your condition worse, you know?” 

Ashani just nodded. She tried to sit up but her hands were trembling. Diana grabbed the bread and gave it to her. Ashani opened her mouth and ate it. It was a bland bread, but she didn’t mind it and ate it. She was starving so much. Diana went to the bathroom and soaked the handkerchief with warm water. She came into the room again and washed her face with the wet handkerchief, going down to her neck, her chest, arm till her legs. Diana also changed her clothes to the new one. Ashani let her to undress her and put the new clothes on her body. 

Diana sighed. She was already so tired and just falling on the bed next to Ashani. She closed her eyes and fell asleep quickly. Ashani watched so long. She could see the eye bags on her face. She looked so tired. She made her remember to her mother’s face when she slept. They seemed so peaceful in their sleep. Ashani just realized that Diana didn’t lock the door yet. The door was wide open. She silently got up from the bed, not trying to wake Diana. She went to the kitchen, checking on the drawer. She found the pills there. she doesn’t know what it was but she needed it. She swallowd it all and laying on the ground. 

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It was already two weeks since Erwin met Ashani. he couldn’t rest. He tried to ask some villagers, asking the polices to find her but they didn’t give him an answer he wanted to hear. They just teased him, calling him a stupid man that was thrown by a slut, a lowly slut. They even laughed at him. He was so disappointed to himself. He decided to go home. Richard knew from his expression. He couldn’t get any information of her again. He had failed multiply times. He didn’t know what he could do. He tried to cheer him up, saying that he will find a sign the next day. He also hoped so. 

Erwin was so tired and just went to his room. He sat on the back of the door. He held his head, trying to calm his mind. He regretted it to realize the truth so late and when he did, she was missing. He blamed himself again. He failed to protect again. It was getting dark. The sky was so orange and his room was dark. He still sat there, looking at the window. His mind was already messed. He started to hallucinate again. He saw the girl standing in the window, staring at him blankly. She wore a dirty white dress. It was the same girl he just saw when he first time came to the island. The same ghost that always followed him. The one that he didn’t want to remember anymore.

Richard knocked the door, asking him out. The dinner was ready. Erwin didn’t respond. He was scared. The ghost was looking so real this time. She was smiling at him. She sat in front of him, staring at him. Her mouth said some words. The words that made Erwin trembled in fear.

…. I always…

Richard smashed the door and made Erwin fell. He was worried if something happened to him. Erwin got up as he rubbed his cheek. It was hit on the floor so hard. Richard helped him to stand and said sorry. Erwin looked around. The ghost already disappear. Erwin was panicked. He held his friend’s shoulders, telling him that he just saw a ghost. Again. Richard turned on the light, he tried to calm him. Richard knew that Erwin hallucinated so often, since... Since Richard’s younger sister died. 

“Erwin… I always tell you… That accident wasn’t totally your fault.” 

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When Erwin was 17 years old. He often went to school with Richard and his younger sister. She was still 13 years old. She was a cheerful girl. She liked cats and ate sweets. Richard always accompanied his sister to the park near his apartment. There, they often met Erwin reading a book. His sister liked to asked him a lot of things. What book are you reading? What does this word mean? Why do you like it so much? She always asked a lot of things that related to Erwin. Richard knew that she liked him. He tried to make them closer too. 

One day, she went to the store book to buy the same book that Erwin read before. She always wanted to understand his interests. She wanted to get closer to him more. She even wrote in her diary, about her days with Erwin, what foods he liked, what words that he always said, everything about him. She cared about him more than her own brother. 

She stopped at the front of the boutique. She saw a beautiful white dress there. She wanted that dress. She want to wear it and show it to Erwin. She asked Richard to enter there. He didn’t want since the dress looked so expensive but she kept dragging him. She picked the dress and tried it. It was a perfect size for her. She looked so happy while wearing it. Richard liked to see that smile. He couldn’t say no to her. She was his beloved sister after all. 

They went home after paying the dress. She was running happily with the bag on her hand. She was so happy with the dress. She stopped when she saw a black cat in the street. The cat stood there, silently staring at her. She got closer to the cat. She waved at the cat and rubbed the head. The cat was friendly to her. Richard already knew. They never arrived home fast since she always stopped to play with the stray cats she met in the street.  
She said goodbye to the cat and about to go but the cat was following her. She looked at the cat and started to run. The cat also ran to her. She stopped and laughed at the cat. It was too cute that she chose to play again. It was getting dark. She should go home. The cat was still following her after all. She didn’t want to leave him too. 

“Richard! Can I have this cat?” 

“What? You already have 5 cats in home.”

“But… he looks so cute. Please!” 

Richard never said no to his sister. He nodded. She looked so happy. She picked the cat, rubbing his head as she walked to home. The cat wasn’t friendly to others cats. He didn’t want to share his owner with others. She was only his own. They kept fighting in the house. She tried to make them closer but it was difficult. 

A day that she waited finally came. Erwin would come to her apartment and they will play together the whole day. She wore her white dress. She danced at the mirror, admiring the dress she wore. She really wanted to show it to Erwin soon. The cats were fighting again. She immediately ran to them and shoos them all. The cats were being so aggressive. They didn’t care their owner around and kept running and hitting each others. She was panicked. She followed the cats and asked them to stop. The cats were even hitting her and leaving a wound on her knee. It was bleeding. 

Richard heard her screaming and immediately came. He asked her to leave the room and let him to deal with the cats. He separated the cats in the different rooms. Finally, they were calm down. Richard left to see her sister. She was healing a wound in her knee. Richard sat beside her and helped her. She was smiling at him. It was tiring, but she still liked them. 

They heard the bell. It must be Erwin. She immediately got up and went to front door. She put the password and opened the door. It was Erwin. She smiled at him so happily. Erwin greeted at her and gave her a gift. She was happy with it. Richard also welcomed him and let him in. Erwin looked around and he looked at the window. Their apartment was in 17th floor. She asked him to sit on the couch while she and Richard went to the kitchen to make a drink. He sat and waited there. he saw a cat was walking to him, meowing at him. He was liked by cats too. 

Richard and his sister came with cake and drinks. They made it together and served it to Erwin. She watched him eating it, hoping he liked it. He smiled at her and told her it was delicious. She smiled him back. Richard left them both. He didn’t want to brother his sister’s date. He knew what he should do. Erwin stared at Richard that was leaving them. He was confused. 

“E-hem, so Erwin… what are your plans for this summer?” she started the conversation. 

“Hmmm…. I think I will just stay at home and read some books. Why?”

“N-no… I just ask as if you have a plan already… My parents will bring us to vacation. They already rent a villa to stay in the island. If you want… wanna come with us?” 

“That must be expensive. I couldn’t. It’s too expensive for me.”

“Please come with us! I already told them to bring you too.” 

“Well… I will think about it first.”

She nodded. She ate the cake and keep talking with Erwin. Mostly, she asked first and Erwin just replied as needed. She tried to calm down. Her heartbeats were so fast. She already prepared everything. She was planning to confess her feeling to Erwin. She hid her hands behind. She was so nervous. 

“U-um… Erwin… may I ask something?”

“Yes? What is it?”

“Do-do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Really? U-um… or you have someone you like?”

“Hmm…. I guess no…?”

“Is that so…?”

“Yes, why are you asking?”

“A-ah…. Just want to know… I have someone I like.”

“Really? Who?”

“T-that… he is older than me. The same age with my brother. He is cool and likes reading too. I… I like him so much.”

“Hee…” 

Erwin didn’t react a lot. She was a little bit disappointed though because he didn’t get the sign she just gave. She didn’t want to let the chance go. 

“What do you think about me?” 

“You… you are my friend’s sister.”

“J-just a friend’s sister?” 

He nodded. Her heart hurt when she heard that. She tried to calm down. 

“I see…” 

Erwin was just silenced. 

“Is it okay… if your friend’s sister… likes you?” 

That made Erwin couldn’t respond. He never expected that she had a feeling to him. Her cheek was red and she was blushing so much. 

“I… never think like that” 

“E-ehh... I see.... I...I’m sorry..”

“No., i mean.. i’m also sorry.”

Then, it was a silence. None of them started the conversation. It was so awkward. She couldn’t look at him, after being rejected like that. She wanted to hide. She stepped back, trying to not to close to Erwin. She didn’t want him to see her face. Erwin also didn’t know what to do. 

Suddenly, a glass broke. It was the cats. They started fighting again. This time, the black cat and the orange one were screaming and hitting each other. Erwin was shocked, while she was trying to comfort the cat. The orange one was running to the window and the black one followed him. She was panicked, since the window was open. The orange one was running to the balcony. He was about to jump since the black one was hitting his face and threatening him.

She ran fast to catch the cats. She reached her hand to take the cat away from there. She could take the cat and hugging him but she slipped and losing balance. The balustrade wasn’t tall enough. It was only about her waist. She could feel the gravity was pulling her down. She reached her hand, hoping Erwin could take her hand. He was running to catch her but he wasn’t fast enough. He could see the tears came out from her eyes. She was afraid. She couldn’t reach that hand. She was falling as she hugged the cat tightly. 

Erwin saw in fear. He couldn’t see her anymore. She was already in the ground. He felt that his heartbeat was beating so fast. He couldn’t breathe. He was so scared and panicked. Richard was coming as he heard the screaming from there. He couldn’t see his sister and finding Erwin was leaning on the balustrade as his hand was still hanging. He looked down and his tears started to fall. Richard was so panicked. He ran to the balcony and checked downstairs. He could see the form of a girl laying on the ground as the blood was leaking out from her body. He couldn’t say anything. He felt something really break his heart.

The ambulance was coming and they moved her body. The blood was coming out from her head. It seemed that the head hit first from the falling. The cat was also dead. The parents were crying. They were losing their precious daughter and Richard still didn’t say anything. He didn’t even blame Erwin for the accident. He was just quiet as the parents were still crying. He finally looked at Erwin but he only showed the smile on him. A very fragile smile on his face. 

“I... I am.. really sorry..” 

Erwin apologized, with a trembling voice. He kept apologizing. It was silence.

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Since that day, Erwin didnt go to school. He hid in his room. He saw it by his own eyes. The white dress full of the blood. The broken face and body. He started to see the ghost. It was her. She was always sitting beside him, watching him quietly. She always followed him around or, Erwin that always hallucinated about her. She was just following him behind, staring at him coldly. 

When he just met Ashani. He stopped seeing the ghost. He finally have someone that he should take care of. She was fragile. He always wanted to protect her at all cost. Losing her like this made him overthinking. He didnt know where she has been and what he should do to find her. She would always follow him behind. Following him around the house. That bracelet on her wrist and how happy she looked when she held it. He understood about his own feeling. His own feeling to her.


	10. Spring and Winter

Diana was awake from the cracking sound. She didnt see Ashani in the room. She got up and went to the source of the sound. She found Ashani was sitting in the ground. Her finger was bleeding. Her face was red and her eyes looked dizzy. She accidentally broke the glass. She also found the drugs with her.

“...I am.. so...rry.”

Diana sighed and held her hand. She took her to the bathroom, cleaning her wound. Ashani was just standing there, staring at her fingers. The blood leaked out a lot.

Diana was staring at her face. She must have been using all the drugs she kept. Her face looked pale. She pulled Ashani’s hair close to her and kissed her lips. Ashani didnt pushed her away. She didnt have any power to move her hand. Diana put her tongue inside and slowly sucking inside. However, she stopped. She felt something was off. Kissing a doll-like person wasnt fun for her. She wanted to hear some reactions from her but she didnt.

“It’s sour inside your mouth.” She sighed out and pushed her away.

Ashani touched her lips. She also realized that. She vomited much last night. Diana soaked a towel and wiped her face with it. She was cleaning Ashani’s face down to her neck and chest. It was cold in the morning but Ashani didn’t react anymore.

She was sleeping on the couch while Diana was making a breakfast. She put the meals on the table and shook Ashani up. She asked her to eat. However, she didnt wake up. Diana didnt force her to wake so she just let her be.

At noon, Ashani was awake. She was alone in the couch. Diana wasnt there. She looked around. She didnt know where she was. She got up from the couch and heading to the front door. It was locked. She couldnt leave. She went back and laid on the couch again. Closing her eyes to sleep.

She slept for 30 minutes but she suddenly felt nausea. She went to the bathroom. She puked. It was sour in her mouth. Her breathe was unstable. She was pressing her chest. It hurt so much. She went to the kitchen to find something to calm her down. Something. Drugs, alcohols, something but she found nothing. Diana was watching her behind. She already hid them. Ashani looked back at her. She didnt say anything and left. She went to bedroom and Diana followed her too.

Ashani kept pressing her chest. She didnt know why it hurt so much. Her tears started to flow. Diana came in and held her hands. She tried to comfront her. She looked at her eyes. She was telling her to calm down. Ashani was closing her eyes. She took a deep breathe and calm down.

“Hey...”

Ashani raised her head.

“Lets abort it!”

“...What is that?”

“That means... we will kill the baby in your belly.”

Ashani was shocked. Killing the baby? She never thought about that. She didnt know if she wanted the baby or not but she couldnt kill it. It was living in her body so she had to protect it.

“I dont want!”

“Why? Are you planning to raise it? Do you even know what you do for yourself? Do you think you can take care a baby by yourself?”

Ashani shook her head. She didnt know what she should do or even what will happen to her in the future.

“But, it’s alive.. and it’s in my body...”

Diana didnt like it. She grabbed Ashani’s hand and pushed her to the bed.

“Say you will abort it or i will do it for you?”

“N-no... please...”

Ashani started to cry. Diana liked to see her crying face. She wanted to tease her even more. She pressed her body tightly to her. She could feel her warmth and she was trembling. Ashani hugged her stomach as she wanted to protect it. Diana opened her clothes and started to lick her neck.

Ashani kept telling her to stop but she didnt give a fuck. Diana grabbed her boobs and sucked the nipples. Diana pulled the skirt off. They were already naked. Ashani was just laying in the bed, letting her to take her.

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At midnight, Ashani was awake. It was cold and she was still naked. She looked at Diana sleeping beside her. She was in deep sleeping. Ashani got up and went out. The bedroom’s door wasnt locked. She looked back again to make sure if Diana didnt wake up. She was still sleeping. Ashani left. She was going to the front door. She wasnt sure but she tried to open the door. It was weird. It wasnt locked. Her eyes wide opened. She didn’t expect it was unlocked, but she didn’t even care. She fasten her steps and ran out from the house.

It was dark outside. Some animals made a noise. She felt cold. She hugged her stomach. She didn’t know but she wanted to keep it warm. She walked, carefully. The only light that helped her to see was the moonlight. However she fell. She accidentally stepped on something sharp. She groaned in pain. She couldn’t see but she was sure that her foot was bleeding. She got up, trying to ignore the pain in her foot. She had to leave or her and her baby will die. She kept walking.

Diana was sitting in the bedroom. She was staring at the door. She didn’t lock the door purposely. She knew that Ashani didn’t want to live with her. At first, it was her that dragged and brought her into this house. She sighed. She thought that they would understand to each other, but no, she didn’t even understand about Ashani. She just wanted to tease her at first. However, she felt betrayed _. She is really a stupid girl._

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The sun was rising. The temperature was getting warmer. Ashani was laying in the ground. She lose her consciousness. The blood in her foot was already dry. There was no one passing there. a stray cat was approaching her. She looked curious with the human laying there. Ashani was making a sound. The pain in her stomach made her conscious. She opened her eyes and got up. She kept hugging her stomach. Her legs were trembling. the pain was too much that her body was shaking. _Where should I go? Is there a place that will receive me? I’m scared. I’m scared._

She kept walking. Somewhere. She actually knew she wanted to go but she was scared if she was unwanted. She was standing in the seashore. The sea was looking calm. It was so calm. She sat on the ground, hugging and putting her chin on her knees. She was humming. It was her only way to keep her sanity. Though the pain in her stomach was unbearable.

After having some rest, she continued the walk. She looked down on the ground, holding her bracelet. Her treasure. She stopped walking and looking up. There were about 5 men, now surrounding her. Her eyes were in horror. One of them caught her hand and pulling her until she fell. She didn’t scream or fight. She was sitting on the ground, hugging her stomach. She was scared though. She didn’t want to hurt her baby. Her hands were trembling. All in her minds were only fear if the baby will die. she started to cry. _Please stop! Please forgive me! I don’t want this again. I don’t want. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

She was forced to laying and some men were spreading her legs open. They pulled her clothes off. One of them was taking her. It hurt inside her. It kept moving. They were laughing while watching her being violated. Ashani was crying in silent. She didn’t make any sounds, only her tears kept flowing. One by one. They already had their turns and left her alone.

“I…I-I-I..I’m s-so-sorry.” She was trembling. She hugged her stomach tightly. She kept telling sorry. It was bleeding. It was spreading through her legs to the ground. It really hurt. She didn’t want to feel this pain again. It was too painful. _Will It be okay? My baby will be okay?_ She got up. She knew if she stayed there too long, she will be in dangerous again. She forced her legs to move.

Her mind was screaming. She was scared. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know which way she should choose. She was lost. It felt like she was trapped outside there. She wanted to hide. She wanted to be unseen. She doesn’t like this.

Keep walking. Keep stepping on. Even though, she didn’t have any destination to go. She was just walking. The blood stopped flowing down there, leaving a dry blood in her legs. She still felt the pain but it was less than before. Her eyes were swollen. Her eyes bag was red. It was half closed too. She couldn’t open her eyes wide. She was only thinking about going somewhere, but where? She still coudnt find the answer.

She stopped her step, crying again. Her breathe became unstable again. It was harder than before. She was already tired but it just couldn’t stop. The pain. The fear she felt. She couldn’t even think straight. She fell down and loset her consciousness again.

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When Ashani opened her eyes. She could feel the warmness around her. It felt like something soft hugging her. She shook her head on the softness, wanting it more. She didn’t want to open her eyes, as if she thought it was only her dream. She felt a big hand was touching her cheek. She liked it. It felt so calming. She slowly raised her hand, trying to hold the hand, not letting it go. She felt safe. This touch made her safe. Then, she could hear the chuckling voice. It made her opened her eyes. The man form was sitting beside her, watching her all time. When her sight got clear, the man form was getting clearer too. He was smiling in relieve when she opened her eyes.

“Erwin….?” It felt so unreal but the warmness around her made her knew, it wasn’t a dream. She was inside the blanket, laying in the bedroom with some plushies all around her.

He nodded, still holding her face. He rubbed it gently. Ashani accepted all the kindness he gave. She didn’t hate when he touched her, instead, she wanted more.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

Ashani didn’t answer, but smiling a bit. She still held his hand, not wanting to let it go.

“Please stay like this longer…”

He nodded. He let her had his hand. They didn’t talk, just facing up each other. Spending the time, only staring and smiling. He didn’t let the hand go, till she fell asleep again. He liftef up the blanket to cover her all. She also hugged a plushie in her sleep. Richard opened the door, slowly, bringing a meal and water. He stepped carefully, trying to not wake her up.

“How is she?” He whispered.

“She just woke up then go to sleep again.”

“I already prepare warm water. I think we can wait till she is totally fine.”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

Richard left. He let Erwin there. He wanted to stay longer and watched her. Richard bought new blanket and some clothes. He put it on the couch. It was for Ashani to wear. He decided to make a dinner. He opened the refrigator. _I will make omurice then._

In her sleep, Ashani was crying. She hugged her stomach and kept telling sorry. She was dreaming that she was losing her baby, some laughing and screaming. She didn’t want to hear that.

“Please… stop it…”

Erwin pat her shoulder, gently, telling her everything was okay. “I’m here”

She was completely awake when it was already dark. Erwin still stayed there, sitting in the same spot and also fell asleep. Ashani rubbed her eyes. She tried to touch his shoulder to wake him up, but she couldn’t. She started realizing that she wasn’t worth to touch him.

“Er…Erwin?” She called him. She tried again, calling his name. She even liked to call his name all day if could. Erwin finally woke up. He faced her. He was smiling and greeting her good morning, though it was already dark. Richard was calling them from back of the door. The dinner was ready. Erwin held her hand and helped her to walk. Ashani wasn’t sure if it was okay to touch him but he didn’t even care and kept walking.

Richard was greeting her too. He was so happy and relieved to see her again. Those warm smiles, and the kindness all around her right now, were feeling so calming. She could smell something very nice, a real meal. She sat on the chair. She looked at the men then looked at the omurice in front of her again. She grabbed the spoon and took a bite. It was so nice. She kept closing her eyes and memorizing the tastes she just had.

After having the dinner, she was in bathtub. She was cleaning the dirts and dry blood on her body. It still hurt down there but she kept rubbing it and cleaning it. She moaned in pain a bit then she stopped. She couldn’t bear the pain. She was using the clothes that Richard gave. It was too big for her. She went out from the bathroom. Erwin was waiting her and helped to dry her hair. She was sitting on the couch while Erwin was combing her hair. Richard was replacing the blanket to the new one. After having her hair done, Erwin was treating her wounds. They were caring her so much.

It made her felt bad. She wanted to do something to pay their kindness. Something. However, she didn’t know how.

“Thank you…”

She only could say that words. Erwin looked up to her and smiled. He didn’t need that words but he was happy to see her again.

“Me too… Thank you!”


	11. Other side of the road

That day, a knocking door could be heard on front door. Richard opened the door, it was a grandma that he always helped in the market. She said that she saw a girl that they were searching these whole time. Richard immediately ran to upper floor. He knocked the door, calling Erwin to go out. Erwin was in gloomy mood lately. He locked himself in the room. Hearing that made him felt the hope again. He didn’t think about everything. He ran as fast as he can to the destination that she told.

She was there. Ashani was there. She was lying there, her face was facing down as she hugged her stomach. They immediately took her and trying to wake her up. She didn’t open her eyes but he could hear her heartbeat. She was still alive. They decided to bring her to their house. It was the safe place there. Erwin kept watching her. He didn’t let her go and kept waiting till she was awake.

_Thank you for coming to me again…_

Ashani was only sleeping, sometimes she went downstair and sat on the couch, playing with cats. She missed days like this. She didn’t talk much. She would watch the cats playing around, jumping and licking. They were adorable. She still felt the pain inside her stomach. She still hided it from the men. She would sleep in her room till the pain disappeared. Sometimes, she lost her consciousness cause the pain was unbearable. Erwin would spend his time caring her. He treated the wounds and gave her some medicines. It was only regular medicines. They have brought her to the hospital nearly, but since the facilities was still very low. They were only given a regular medicine to treat fever.

However, they didn’t do anything to her baby in her tummy. She wasn’t sure if it was still alive or not. The blood stopped but the pain was still there. She couldn’t tell them about it. She actually felt bad to make a lot of burden for them. Sometimes, she thought about leaving. If she left, they would feel burden to her again. What If they started hating her to keep bringing them a lot of burdens.

However, she was also selfish. She didn’t want to leave. She wanted to be here, with Erwin. She didn’t want to go anywhere and getting hurt again. She rubbed her stomach. Trying to calm herself down.

Richard was just coming home from shopping. He greeted her and gave her a snack. He treated her as she was his own sister. He always loved his sister. He didn’t want to lose her. If only she was here right now. He wanted her to befriend with Ashani. Ashani took the snack and ate it. It was sweet. She always felt happy when she could eat delicious foods. She only ate breads in Diana’s place. At night, she sneaked out to drink alcohols or used drugs. However, the foods here were always delicious. She could eat it everyday and she didn’t need drugs or alcohols.

She got up and followed him to the kitchen. The cats were also following them. They were watching Richard as he took out the items he bought. After that, Richard took milk and poured it for cats. He also made one for Ashani. She held it and went to the couch. She sat and drank it. Erwin went downstair. He was bringing the laptop with him too. Ashani kept her eyes on him. She looked at everywhere he went. He was having a conversation with Richard as he looked at the laptop. It was something that she didn’t understand actually. _What is that?_

After the conversation, Erwin approached her and brought some papers. He always spare his time to teach her writing or reading. Ashani still liked studying. She wanted to be a better person. She wanted to have an interesting conversation with Erwin too. She didn’t know everything that they talked. She felt that she was left behind. She would ask some words she never heard.

She would follow Erwin everywhere. She was very similar to cats. They kept following him, but he liked it this way. He could watch her and looked how her improvement. Her step was still small and slow. She will lean on the wall sometimes. Erwin told her to just sit on the couch because he will never leave but she insisted. She wanted to always be his side

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At midnight, Ashani was awake. The pain was coming again. She tried her best to not make a sound. It was so painful. _What happens to my baby?_ She buried her face with pillow. She hugged it tightly. Again, she lost her consciousness.

Erwin knocked her door in the morning. She was still sleeping. He entered the room and touched her forehead. It was cold but she was sweating. He shook her shoulder, waking her up. Ashani gasped in shock. Her breathe became unstable. Then, she saw Erwin there. She exhaled. Relieved.

“Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to tell him. However, he knew something was off. He rubbed her cheek again. It made her comfortable.

“Or you have a nightmare?”

“….nightmare? I don’t know… I just… feel…weird…”

“What weird?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.”

She nodded. She wasn’t sure if those words were serious but she always wanted to hear that.

“Erwin… I…” Ashani stopped and buried her face inside the blanket.

“What is it?”

“….Thank you…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I will always be here if you need something.”

She nodded again. It wasn’t what she wanted to tell, but it was hard to say it.

Today, she was having nausea and spending almost all day puking in the bathroom. She didn’t know why she kept puking. She vomited almost everything inside her stomach. The men, they knew. They did worried but had no clue to help. They waited outside the bathroom, holding towel and warm water for her. She didn’t make any sounds but her unstable breathe could be recognized. It sounded as she was in pain. She kept hugging her stomach, now it was painful inside her. Erwin couldn’t stand to hear her crying voices. He opened the door. Ashani was shocked but letting him entered. She was still hugging it.

“Are you okay?” She nodded. She lied. Her face was full of cold sweat. Her hands were trembling.

“I know. I already know about that. You don’t need to hide it from me… I already knew it.”

Ashani was thinking. _Knowing about what? Does he already about my pregnancy? No… No… I don’t want him to know. I don’t want._ She hid her face with her hands. She didn’t want to be seen.

“N-n-no… please don’t look me…” She begged.

“No. Don’t hide your face, please!”

“I don’t want. Please… don’t look at me! It’s my fault. I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I’m dirty. Please throw me away…” Her body was shaking. Those shoulders were trembling. She was crying in silent. Still hiding her face. The men were looking at her now. She was worrying that they will be disgusted to her. She knew that she was dirty and wont be accepted anyway. She was always ready to be threw away.

“I wont throw you away. Please stay here with me.”

Those words just made her eyes wide opened. She could feel the warmness around her. Erwin was hugging her, petting her head. Telling her to calm down. She cried more. It felt safe. She buried her face into his chest. Richard looked them from outside the bathroom. He left them alone. He didn’t want to interrupt them.

“Are you still in pain? Is it from your stomach?” She nodded. She finally confessed it. She wiped her tears and let go from his arms.

“It doesn’t hurt again now…”

“Let clean up your face and have a lunch. You vomited a lot. You should eat a lot for your baby.”

“….My baby… will it be okay?”

“Hmm..?” That just made him worried. He just found her laying in the beach, with a lot blood in her legs. They did check it but they didn’t know how it was going inside. Ashani looked at him with confusing face. She wanted to know about it. She hugged it. Erwin took a wet towel to clean her face and helped her to brush her teeth. She was just standing there and doing whatever he asked her to. He didn’t know how to answer her question. He also have no clue about that. They were heading to kitchen. The meals were ready and they had a lunch together. She ate a lot. She wanted to feed her baby. It was delicious meals and she wanted to share it with her own child. After having the lunch, she was laying on the couch. She just played with cats and fell asleep. It was tiring for her.

Erwin was washing the dishes, while Richard cleaned the stove. He stopped and faced Erwin. He once again wanted to know what he would do to her. Keeping her in this house wont be safe anyway. Everyone will find it out soon. Villagers exactly didn’t care about her anyway but still, it was unsafe to keep her here for so long.

“What will you do to save her?”

Erwin also stopped. He thought for a while. “I want to bring her go from this island.”

“Do you think she will agree with that idea?”

“I’m not sure. But I don’t want her to stay here longer. This isn’t a safe place for her and… no one even wants her here. I will take her out from here. I’m sorry. At first, I thought it was a beautiful and peaceful place to stay, but… it seems beautiful just for some people.”

“If you think it’s for the best. However… how about that? Should we tell her about her mother?”

“That…. I don’t think it’s the right time to tell her about that.”

Erwin finished washing the dishes and wiping his hands with towel. He went to living room and approached Ashani. She was still in deep sleep. She was putting the bracelet to her lips as she slept. Erwin smiled when he realized that she still kept that bracelet. The cats were meowing at him. Erwin carried Ashani up to her room. He put her on the bed and lifted up the blanket to her neck. He also put the plushies around her to make her cozy.

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“Woah! You really have these records, eh?”

“Yeah, but I only accept high prices for each record. They are precious for me.”

“Precious, huh? But you still sell it anyway.”

“Sharing isn’t bad, just better pay for it!”

Diana was having some talks with some men, about 4 men. They asked her about the records of her and Ashani. They wanted to buy them. They handed her money. It was a lot of money. They got all the copies of the records. Diana let a sigh as she put the money into her bag.

“By the way, have you heard about that slut?” One of the men asked her.

“Who? About what?”

“This slut’s mother? You really don’t know?”

“What happened to that old bitch?”

“Well… it’s a long story. You wanna know? How about we trade some informations to your body? If you really want to know anyway.”

“I don’t mind. Where do you want to do it? We’re gonna do it here?”

“Hee…. Why do you even want to know about those sluts? Well, if you want. Let go to hotel now!”

She nodded. She wanted to know about it anyway. What happened to Ashani’s mother? She wished she could use those informations to get Ashani back. She entered their car. They were smoking and whistling. They were about to have fun after all. She didn’t really mind. In the first place, she was also a slut. She sold her body to live. They arrived to the hotel. She just entered the hotel like nothing really matters. Some stuffs glared at her. They knew what she will do. She always came and brought a lot of troublesome men. Anyways, the hotel didn’t also mind that. They could earn money anyway if they did it in the hotel.

The men booked a room and told her to follow them. The room was wide and the bed was big enough for them. Diana immediately undressed her clothes and laid in the bed. She let them take her. She made some moaning voices so they could enjoy it more. She knew how to amuse men anyways. It was tiring when the fourth man took his turn. Diana actually already wanted to stop it already. She was faking a moan so he will come soon. The movements were getting rougher and faster. She knew he was about to come. She moaned even louder and he came. He pulled out. Diana got up and cleaned the mess.

“Now... would you mind to tell me everything you know?”

“Well.. actually…” They told her everything. Diana opened her eyes wide. She felt that she just found a new way to bring Ashani back to her again. It was a good news for her. She thought selling her body to this informations wasn’t bad anymore. She smiled a bit. _Ahh, I cant wait to see her shocking face when she hears about it._

“Anyway, if you find her daughter. Inform us immediately!”

“What are you gonna do to her?”

“What else? She’s still young anyway. We will use her everytime and probably sell her. We didn’t find her in that house. Probably she’s taken by those tourist men? Who knows? If you finds her, don’t forget to inform us! Don’t worry! We will share the benefit with you! Hahaha!”

Diana was pissed. She wont ever want to share her away. Those records were already taken by them. She wont share the real one with them. However, she faked it. She told them that she will immediately inform them if she found her. She will find her soon. She will be hers sooner. She put her clothes and left the hotel. She left as nothing happened. The hotel stuffs were still staring at her, whispering about her. She walked out from the hotel.


	12. Unforgotten Winter

Lately, it was a peaceful day. Ashani was taking a nap a lot. She was laying on the couch as the cats were sitting next to her. Erwin was sitting on the floor, typing on his laptop and Richard was gardening outside. He cut some wild grass and watered the plants. It was hot outside. He went to backdoor to wash his hand and feet. He entered the house and head to the bathroom. He was about to take a shower. Ashani was awake. She rubbed her eyes and got up. Erwin greeted her. She smiled a bit to him. Then, she stood up to go to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator. She was getting hungrier lately. There were a lot snacks there. They bought it for her. She took it and ate it. Erwin approached her, asking how she was feeling. She felt okay lately. They gave her a peaceful life again.

She offered him the snack. She asked him to eat it too. Erwin took it, eating it. She looked happy to share it to him. Richard went out from the bathroom. He was brushing his hair with towel. Ashani ran to him and offered him the snack too. He received it and thanked her for that.

“Erwin, can you take the laundry outside? It seems already dry.” Richard asked.

“Okay!”

Ashani followed him. She never went outside since she came. Erwin let her go outside, as long as it was still nearby. She helped him taking the laundry. The sunlight made her eyes dazzled. She didn’t see the sun often. She jumped a bit to reach the clothes. It was a little bit higher for her to reach. She made it. She put the laundry to the basket. Erwin took the basket and brought it in. She walked behind him and also entered the house. She stopped a bit to take a leaf falling on the ground. She brought it and entered the house.

She was sitting on the couch, staring at the leaf she just took. Erwin helped Richard in the kitchen. Ashani wanted to help too. However, they didn’t let her to do much movement. She was getting bored. She approached the cats and played with them instead. She saw a jar on the top of the drawer. There was seashells there. It was the seashells she collected before. She wanted to collect it again. She took the jar and took out the seashells. She went to the kitchen and asked the men the tools to make a necklace. They told her that it was inside the drawer. She opened and found it.

She sat on the floor, holding a seashell and a needle. The cats were meowing at her. They rubbed their body to her legs. She hummed a song as she put the seashell to the needle. It was fun to play with seashell again. She will make a lot of necklace and collected more seashells. It was nice to see her having fun. The men felt relieved when she smiled. As a small thing that could make her smile. It was so precious.

Ashani slept early tonight. She was getting nausea and losing her energy. After having a dinner, she immediately fell sleepy and went to her room. Erwin and Richard had something to do. They were making a plan to go from the island. They already found a date to book a spot on cruise ship. They planned to go in 3 weeks. They had to manage some things. They also have to find a good time to talk to Ashani about this. They thought she will follow them, but still there was something that she needed to know.

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“Papa! Mama! I’m hungry!” The sound of small Ashani, holding her stomach. She was hungry.

“You’re hungry? Please wait. The meal is ready soon.” Her mother told her. She nodded and approached her father that was sitting on the table. She hugged his waist and asked him to carry her up. He carried her up. Ashani smiled and hugged him tightly. His father was also smiling at her.

“Ashani… when you’re adult. What do you want to be?” Her father asked.

“When I’m adult…? Adult?”

“What do you want to be in the future?”

“I want to be mama!”

“Ma-mama?”

“Yes. I want to be like mama. I want to be beautiful as mama and be as smart as papa. I want to be like you two.”

“Like… us?”

“Yup. Papa, what do you want to do in the future?”

“Papa… Papa want to see my daughter to be a beautiful and smart girl.”

Ashani hugged her father again. She was so happy. Her mother laughed a bit at them. Ashani looked at her father’s face. His face was getting darker and darker. She couldn’t hear his voice. His face turned black. It turned to dust. She called him over and over. She shook his body. Her mother’s face was also turning black. They were turning to the dust. Ashani was scared. 

“P-papa? Mamaaa? W-w-what…”

They disappeared to the dust. Ashani screamed. She screamed out loud. She buried her face in fear. She was alone in the room. Everything turned to dust. She couldn’t remember her parent’s faces anymore. She screamed even louder.

It woke her from sleeping. Her eyes were wet from tears. She hugged her stomach. It came again. The pain. Now, she was scared. She couldn’t remember her parent’s face. She tried to remember. She tried hard. She felt like she losed something. She wanted to see her parents again. She wanted to see her mother. What have happened when she left her. She was also afraid to go back to her. She was sure that she will be beaten to death when she saw her. She remembered when her mother kicked her stomach so hard when she found out she was pregnant. It hurt so much. She also forced her to drink abortion pills. She fed her everything that could kill the baby inside her.

Ashani trembled. She didn’t want to go there again and be killed. She was scared. She buried her face to the pillow. She tried to calm down. It was still dark. She could see outside from the window. She got up and opened the dooe. Next to her room was Erwin’s room. She knocked his door. She felt scared that she needed to see his face to calm her down. However, no response. She opened the door. It was unlocked. She entered the room. Erwin was still sleeping. She sat on the floor, leaning her head on the bed as she stared his sleeping face. She wasn’t scared anymore. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes.

3 hours later, Erwin opened his eyes. he was flustered and jumped a bit. He was shocked to see Ashani in his room, sitting on the floor, leaning her face and her face was close to him. He looked at her, still in deep sleep. She let out a small breath. It was warm against his face. He was panicked. Should he wake her up now? Or letting her sleep a bit longer? What if Richard entered the room and found them in this condition? He thought too much. However, he didn’t dare to wake her up. She looked so peaceful in sleep. So, he waited a bit longer and just watched her sleeping face. He chuckled. “How cute!”

About one hour later, Ashani rubbed her eyes and woke up. She looked up to Erwin. He was totally awake. Staring at her while she was sleeping. She was blushing. _How long is he awake already?_ She buried her face into the bed.

“I’m sorry…” She said. Her face was red.

“Good morning!” Erwin greeted her. “Did anything happen? You had a nightmare?” She nodded.

“I’m sorry. I came to your room, because I was too scared in the room alone.”

“I see. What dream you saw last night?’

“….Mama… I saw mama and papa… but… I cant remember their faces..”

“… Your parent?” She nodded.

“I cant remember their faces and their voices. I want to see them.”

“….See them?”

Erwin didn’t know what to do. He didn’t dare to tell her the truth. She was looking at him, with confusing face. She still tried to recall how they looked like. Erwin thought. If only there was a photo and some drawings left, but it was meaningless now. Ashani wanted to ask him. She wanted to go outside and went to her house for a while. However, she wasn’t sure he would let her go.

“A-ah… Let brush your teeth and have a breakfast!” Erwin tried to change a topic. Ashani failed to ask him. She nodded and got up. Erwin opened the door and saw Richard was also going out from his room. He saw Ashani also went out from his room. He stared at Erwin, with judging eyes.

“…..What did you do…last night?”

“N-no! It’s not like that.” Erwin tried to explain. Ashani greeted to Richard a good morning. She didn’t have any clue about what the men were talking.

Richard asked her to go downstair with him, leaving Erwin behind.

“He didn’t touch you anywhere, right?”

“…I just sat on the floor..”

“You? You let her slept on the floor?”

“I told you it’s not like that!”

“What’s wrong?” Ashani was confused.

“No, It’s okay if you’re fine. What do you want for breakfast?”

“I want… sandwich.”

“Okay… I will make the sandwiches. Do you want to help me?”

She nodded. She was happy to help. Richard told Erwin to sit on the couch. He wasn’t allowed to go to kitchen. Erwin was a little bit upset. Richard was being protective to Ashani. He understood that. Richard was always missing his late sister. It made sense if he was being protective to her. He sat on the coach, letting a sigh. He thought he will just play with cats then. The breakfast was ready. Ashani called him to go eating with them. Erwin headed up to the kitchen. Richard already ate his meal. Ashani and Erwin sat and ate theirs too. It was a nice breakfast for them.

It was less hot in the morning. Richard was gardening outside. Ashani peeked out and leaned her head in the door. She also wanted to go out. Erwin called her and let her go out. She was happy to hear that. She used her shoes and went outside. The sun felt warm. The sky was so clear and the wind was calm. She looked up to see the clear sky. It was a nice view. She missed it. She approached Erwin that was pulling the wild grass. She also pulled it out, helping him. After pulling out the grass, she was let to play around as the men was watching over her from distance. She collected some stones in the beach. She collected a lot.

About 15 minutes passed, she was called to go home. She immediately went to them. She showed them the stones and seashells she collected. She was still kid after all. She didn’t have much time having fun as a kid. They could understand it. Besides, it was always good to see her smile.

She was taking a nap on the couch. Richard should go shopping some items in the market. Erwin stayed in the living room, sitting on the floor, typing in his laptop. He was thinking. How should he tell her about it? She didn’t talk about it again but he was afraid. She needed to know. He went to the kitchen to get a drink. He stayed there a bit longer, trying to gather his minds. He wanted to explain everything. He needed to prepare it.

He let out a sigh and gulped the water. He was panicked inside. He was sure if he told her. She will never want to go with him, leaving this island. He put the glass on the table and left the kitchen. He went to living room, confused, he didn’t see Ashani on the couch. He checked nearby and she wasn’t there too. He went upstairs, checking her room. It was empty too. He wasn’t sure but he checked his own room. She was there, leaning her hands to the window, looking outside.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

Ashani turned and answered, “I…. i…”

“Hmm?”

“I want to thank you..”

“I told you.. you don’t need to thank me. I will always be there to help you.”

“I know… but… I need to do that.”

“Doing what?”

She approached to him, suddenly hugging him. Erwin was shocked. He looked down to her. She stared at him, trying to reach his face. It was so close. Their faces were so close. They lips were almost touching each other. Her hands were trembling and holding at him tightly.

“W-w-wait…”

Erwin was nervous. He didn’t have any defense. Ashani was weak but she could throw his body down to the bed. She sat up his body. She undressed her clothes. He told her to stop but she didn’t hear. She also unbuttoned his clothes, rubbing his chest, making his more nervous. Ashani was also scared but she thought she thought it was for paying his kindness.

“Ashani… please!” Erwin grabbed her hand, telling her to stop.

Ashani was silenced. She didn’t understand. She was sure that she was refused by him. She looked at her body. It was dirty and full of scars. She immediately hugged her body, hiding her wounds.

“You don’t need to do it.”

“Am I disgusting?”

“No… it’s not..”

“I’m dirty so you don’t want to touch me?”

“No. You’re not! I..”

Ashani cried. “I… I always think… You always help me… I cant even help you… I only have this to pay you. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t offer my dirty body… as the payment. I’m sorry.”

Erwin looked it, her shoulder was shaking. Her whole body were reacting to the sadness. He didn’t want to see her like this. She didn’t even care about her own body. He got up and gave her a hug. Her eyes wide opened. She cried louder. She didn’t expect it. it was just a hug but it was calming. He rubbed her back gently.

“I… never ask you to pay… I don’t need it. I want you to be here with me. Just stay here with me!”

“….why?”

He closen her face, sticking his lips to her lips. Just touching. He didn’t go inside. Ashani closed her eyes. It was warm. His body was warming and calming her. They parted for a while, staring each other. Then, he kissed her again, putting his tongue inside. Ashani held his shoulder tightly. Her tears wont stop flowing down. She was melting. Erwin stopped before he went too far. Ashani was trembling. She wasn’t ready for it.

“Let take a nap for a while. I’ll promise I wont hurt you anymore.”

That words, such a calming words. He brushed her hair, caring her and petting her head. Ashani closed her eyes, leaning her head to his chest as they laid on. Erwin lifted up the blanket and covered up together. He wiped her tears away. She was already falling asleep. Erwin also closed his eyes. He also fell asleep. He felt it was so warm to sleep.


End file.
